Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
elliebelle1990 0
why would you even ask that? what an idiot. and btw, he was probably joking around with stupid answers since you asked a stupid question
pyro_metal 0
and the first one?
xxdani 0
hahaha that sucks but to everyone saying she shouldn't ask this question, I personally think the more FML part was the fact that her mom was put in front of her not that he mentioned other people he's like to have sex with persay
FoundManyLemons 0
That's a dumb question.
FrostyNorth 0
Haha, both OP and missmuffet really don't understand how men's minds work. If you ask a guy who he'd fantasize having sex with, he will NEVER say the name of someone he has already had sex with. It's our biological imperative to want to "spread our seed". I'm not saying that we can't be or don't want to be faithful, just that our primal sex drives drive our fantasies and it's unfair to be upset with a guy for being both normal and honest. YDI.
FrostyNorth 0
Actually, I take back honest. He probably realized after saying "your mom" that he should put you in the list.
Neenertastic 0
lol...he was probably just trying to get to you? maybe? Honesty is very important in building healthy relationships. Even brutal honesty. Warn your mother, though...he could be creepin'
prettyinpurple9 0
Who is # one? your dog?
Monty_Python 0
How is this an FML? You made the top 5. Be damn grateful that he loved you enough to lie! And that you have a hot mom who you will probably end up looking like.
hurrdurr 0
Well, if your mother is a foxy little cougar, you cannot very well blame the guy.