Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (191)
hiyaa 0
what's your top 5 list? is your boyfriend #1?
Vehicle 1
I wonder if your grandma was first.
cyxx 0
Wow I can't believe so many people are like "You're lucky you're on the list". Seriously guys? What happened to sex = relationship?
paperbagprincess 0
A perfect example of why you shouldn't ask questions like that.
HyperFlirt 0
#91: If that comment is honest, then thank god there's someone out there worth being with. As it is, my list would go as follows: #1: My boyfriend #2: No one Why would I want to have sex with anyone else besides him?
KrispyKangaroo 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect Honestly, being in a relationship should probably lower your rank on his/her list.
no_one_fml 3
Asking a question like that, you had it coming. Sorry, but what's the right answer here? If you say "You're #1, and there's nothing else" a person who's playing mind games (and if she asked this question, whether in a joking or serious tone, she IS playing mind games) could go all like "You're making that up so I won't be mad! Tell the truth!". If you put her #1 and 4 others below her she'll whine because there were 4 others on the list. If you say something else, she's mad. It's a stupid lose/lose situation. And about putting your mum in front of you - that was probably an "I can play games, too" thing.
maddy_waddy 0
Maybe if you were 2 and your mom was 3, or anything below you, that wouldn't be upsetting. He was probably kidding, anyways!!
JVonDahl 9
It was just a stupid question to ask. As though you would be happier if it was your best friend of something. And he was probably joking. No guy is THAT dumb.
dcapp 0
who was #1 ?? but yeah that blows i'm sure he was kidding though.