Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
seb12992 0
#1 ftw. What kind of a stupid question is that to ask your boyfriend? Still voted fyl though, only cause your mom was #2.
KiSsKiZzy 0
YDI for not being #1 you non-slutty person!
im_asian 0
LOL nice icon.
reyemrein 0
I smell a MILF!
luvtheknot 6
Wait who was #1 then??
b182link 0
165, his dad? lol
changesinme 0
Stacy's mom has got it going on!
willou35_fml 13
haha
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
Cyrus00 41
At least there are 4 other people, and not 5.
purple91 8
hahaha atleast your in the top 5
withfire 0
That question is just asking for trouble. Look on the bright side, if you end up with him for a long time he'll be attracted to you well into your middle-age years.
Jimboom 12
Be lucky your on the list at all. If I was to make up a list of the top 5 women I would like to have sex with (but realistically the chances are slim), then my wife wouldn't even be on there. It would probably go something like Jessica Alba, Tricia Helfer, Angelina Jole etc.. etc.. So just be lucky you were on there at all... unless this was a list of people he realistically think he has a chance with in which case give your mom a heads up. You 2 can take the piss out of him to teach him a lesson. ;-)
ilikepie789 0
wat about megan fox
123Puppy 33
Your wife SHOULD be your top one...You’re messed up...
Roxas_fml 0
A question you really shouldn't have asked him. But hey, least you were in the top five.
pwhitlock90 0
Who was #1?
MusicLover951320 0
prolly Megan fox. isn't she like who every guy wants to get with?
antoman123 4
ya
littlemuffet 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#6 is a jerrrrrrrrrk. What a sad society we live in that we should feel lucky to have a significant other who actually wants to **** us.
shimmyya88 0
#5 has it. The only two people he'd rather have sex with then you is a very close representation of future you, and I'm guessing whichever celebrity he thinks is hottest. It could've been far worse.
chapter_vII 0
#9 is a bitch and i agree with #6 i know my list would have wicked hott celebs on it hahaha like megan fox only the sexiest woman alive