Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
lebreex 0
You mom must be hot. MILF ftw.
metalyoshi9 0
Well you clearly didn't explain yourself at all, considering I'm not the one who's reading it that way.
Wonka_fml 0
#6 is totally right. Just be glad you're on the list. Please don't ask questions that you can not handle. That's entrapment. Us boys either have to lie or tell the truth. Either way, we're in trouble... Unless you're name is Kim Kardashian.
youreawhore 0
Hahahahahah, what were you expecting? You to be #1? And if you were, you would have given him sex? I don't think so, so stop teasing him :P I would have said a bunch of celebrities too, but no one that I know in person. Maybe it's like one of those... "Your mom!" things that guys like to throw about... Who was first on his list anyways?
littlemuffet 0
You ARE the only one who's reading it that way. Everyone else just thinks I'm a bitch, you apparently think I'm a nympho.
Zandra 0
Does your name happen to be Stacy?
CantusVulpis 12
My EXACT thoughts when I read this. XD
lebreex 0
LOL littlemuffet makes me laugh. Nympho LAWL funny word.
lrrelevant 0
Oh wow, I sure read that wrong. I thought it said "HIS" mom was second. Whew, I was worried there...
Finnboghi 0
Littlemuffet, before you rant about this, try learning about it. It's called biology and psychology. Maybe a little anthropology, too, if you're interested. And OP, YDI. 10 months without sex obviously means you don't even try to tempt him. And before anyone quotes me, sex isn't something that should be viewed as a gift to be given; it's a healthy and almost necessary part of a relationship.
littlemuffet 0
For ****'s sake, I was joking. This site is taken WAY too seriously. I'll take you up on that recommended reading before making my next comment, thanks.