Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
xxxxxx_fml 0
It's okay, muffet, I completely agree. Besides, taking the biological point of view, soon women will just not pick shallow men, making it impossible for them to procreate, since the biological reasons for people to be shallow are pretty much moot now. So in a few hundreds/thousands of years, we'll just have the guys we actually want =] No worries. Seriously, dump the guy. You can find better.
yourpathetic 0
LOL jesus titty ******* christ thats awesome, Dont ask questions u can handle sweet heart. But thats still funnier than shit LOL
Lou_Briccant 0
Ahh, another oversensitive FML.
medfly 2
at least he is honest.
Mikeymikey 4
lol, Ask him that same question in like 40 yrs and maybe you will climb up the ladder... not sure yr mom would still be 2nd being 80 yrs old..
wickedsick 0
HAHAHAH. what would've been worse is if the first was your dad. XD
Emmafrancesca 0
Ignore the top ones.. they are wrong i no exactally where you are coming from, i have asked things like this all the time to my b.f out of curiosity .. and you WOULD expect to be first wouldnt you? i mean who wouldnt! .. that was just harsh of him... and i no how you feel i rekon secretally my mum would be first on my b.fs list joint with my best mate! lol x x anyway i bet he was kidding d.w (; x x
shanxanigan 0
lmfaolmfaolmfaolmfaooooooooooo. oh man, that's pretty hilarious.
jnic 0
Woah. 1. You actually asked him that question 2. You can't even recognize and accept a YOUR MOM JOKE?
musicloverr 0
was he kidding..?