Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
littlemuffet 0
#11 Is a turd. Yeah, I said it. A turd.
efftthhiiss 0
#9 stfu. it's not that they dont want to have sex with them it's that if they were to fantasize about anyone they wouldnt be frist. if i could make a list of ANYONE i would want to have sex with no one on that list would be someone i knew. i'd much rather sleep with a hot bod celeb then someone from my town. same goes for every one i'm sure. the mom comment was just funny. If however you specified it be realistic. your boyfriends kind of a jerk but like #1 said if you can't handle the truth, don't ask.
altigue 0
To be honest that isn't true, I would never want to have sex with anyone else over my girlfriend and most guys are actually like that lol; they'd rather have sex with the person that knows the right spots.. Looks isn't always everything. The looks start to matter less as you continue on the 'scale of hottness'. Pretty much what I'm saying is you only have to be a certain high enough number (usually around a 5-7) to be considered hot.. Most girls in American are just disgusting tbh so it's not much of a competition.
oooh_dear 0
make your own list. and make his dad #1. and his mom #2. then he can be #3. thatd REALLY freak him out.
danarama 0
hahahahahahahhahahahahha who was number one!? :^D
littlemuffet 0
#13 is #2 on my turd list. #11 is still #1.
mf_fml 0
girl, let sleeping dogs lie. #1 is right, NEVER ask a question if you can't handle the answer.
Jiem_fml 0
Could have been worse if he hadn't named you lol Sorry but you deserved that one, don't you know yet you musn't ask this kind of questions to men?!!
lightmylamb 0
Your boyfriend sounds like a dumbass. Who wouldn't tell his girlfriend that she's the top of his list? I hope his number one was attainable because he might not be getting any for awhile.
snakerake 10
so it's better to lie to her than be honest to a simple question?
metalyoshi9 0
#9. So to you, are relationships comprised entirely of sex, or only mostly? You should have a much better reason for marrying someone than just wanting to **** their brains out. >_>
littlemuffet 0
#20 - that has nothing to do with anything I've said. It's actually the opposite of what I meant. Nice try, though.