Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
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Top comments
amazinemo578 4
what? that's romantic
spady62287 0
WIN!
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Comments (342)
EvilDave 13
OP, you asked in a sexy way, so he answered with a sex act. Apparently, you had something in mind, so why did you even bother to ask?
goldiefox 0
yeah this was no fml. I found it clever and hilarious! haha but what did you do? does anyone else notice that most if the fml's leave you hanging? I always want to know what happens next! :/
Chelleybug123 5
I ment to put thumbs up not down.
xX_rawr_KiTTiEXx 0
kinda ironic that when I looked at the total number of people that agreed to "your life sucks" the total number was 609. xD
perdix 31
And 609 is when you are trying to do 69, but there's a fat guy in the middle getting in the way.
evilcartman 0
when does he goes for his drivers license. ydi for going out with a kid from high school.
thizzl3ear 0
hahah sounds like something I'd say lol u Noe u laughed
misswissa 0
you should of done it and than "accidently" bit it haha
bankrupt 15
What a pig. Did he even offer you anything in return other than the opportunity to give him pleasure? Giving you the choice of where is not enough. Some guys think we're just waiting for the opportunity to suck them when it's really boring and gross. What fun! I get to have muscle cramps from being in an awkward, uncomfortable postion so I can get dry mouth and practically choke from sucking away on something that has had urine in it. If I'm lucky I won't get a fart near my face and when I finally get the work done, and I do mean "work," I get a blank look if I want something in return, since apparently I was supposed to pretend doing that WAS my entire pleasure. If I do get something, it's given with resentment and/or resignation, but I am expected to be bouncing with joy doing my part. Treats!
Cinn_fml 23
It is also entirely possible the bf was kidding a bit and had every intention of returning the favour...
sallen0046 4
That's a lot of projection for one simple comment. Maybe if you stopped trying to punish every guy you sleep with because of jerks in your past, you'd have a better sex life.
bankrupt 15
How is expecting a 50-50 split "punishing" a guy? Guys do not realize that sucking a dick is NOT like sucking a lollipop; it's not fun. It's disgusting and uncomfortable and triggers the gag reflex so we are choking back our own vomit while trying not to break stride. It's misery. I do not know one single woman who enjoys doing this. When you get nothing in return, it becomes just another chore. The difference is that this is a chore we are expected to pretend to love doing. My point, which you missed, is that pleasuring one's partner in such a foul way would be more bearable if there was something in it for us other than the self-triumph that we once again managed to achieve your fulfullment without barfing and Thank God It's Over. How 'bout a little something for us?
Squander 3
I don't know what's the matter with you fellas, I think it's the funnest thing ever. I like it as much a sex, sometimes more, because it's easier, more concealable if someone interupts, requires less work, less cleanup, and can't make babies even if you don't use a condom. And I somehow twistedly find it romantic too.
dfens 8
Feminazism at its best. You should become a carpet muncher with that shitty attitude. No normal guy will turn down returning the favor, unless you have a blue waffle, dumbass.
rogerover 19
Excellent attitude!! you're a good woman!!
Cinn_fml 23
Bankrupt - You are making assumptions about this FML. It is true that we don't know what the bf had in mind afterwards, but we don't know he wasn't going to give anything back for it. Also, you are making the assumption the OP is like you, she might like giving.
klutzycleo 5
What happened to 'your partner's pleasure is your pleasure'? I don't know bout some other chicks, but knowing my partner will get pleasure from what I'm doing is arousing. Sounds like you had some bad experiences, bankrupt, I'm sorry. OP's FML is that she obviously doesn't consider giving head to be the most romantic (yes, she probably should have come straight out and said what she wanted). Maybe she finds it to be a chore, maybe she wanted something less sexual, that leads to something more sexual (like cuddling, kissing, scenic drive etc, which is generally considered romantic)
schalk 12
for F***'s sake bankrupt. Such constant negativity from you. Eat some doughnuts so you won't be so bitter. OP - May I copyright that? It sounds like a cool title for a song
penguinazul 13
Bankrupt, all the women you know are lame. Sure, giving head has all those lovely "perks" (
jckbco 0
I guess you don't know enough women then, many of my past GFs loved sucking me (without me requesting it). How is it your man's fault if you don't like doing it, but do it anyway? Try being your own person...
irritatedone 5
bankrupt-you sound like have some major issues with men that you need to get resolved. I love giving head and knowing that I am satisfying my man. not everything in life is 50/50 so get over yourself and go please your man and when you start doing that you might find he will please you in return. until you can do that you will never have a long lasting successful relationship.
mrmaks18 7
ha ha that's so funny time you put a ring on it ? wonder where you will be going for your honeymoon
Aaron_58 0
nicely done op's boyfriend!
iPunchedBigFoot 5
Win