Anonymous
United States
Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Coldflame
United States
Party hard
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
dazedandconfused
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
It's not what you think
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Username
United States
Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML
sma93
Baldwin, United States
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
dee
United States
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Anonymous
France
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
alainopotato
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
San Diego, United States
Wild night
Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML
Anonymous
San Marcos, United States
Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head
Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML
Top comments
CaptainPat 0
well if your pregnant you shouldn't be drinkin anyway. and if your the sober one it only makes sense to be the DD. the only FMLish part is the opuke cleaner.
perdix 31
Well, the pregnant -> sober -> designated driver, but you should be clever enough to convince your baby daddy that you can't be the puke cleaner. Tell him he has to clean up his own puke or HIS CHILD WILL DIE! Give him some jibber-jabber about toxoplasmosis -- he'll be too drunk to look at Wikipedia.
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Comments (90)
chocolatebabe88 0
condoms and having sober friends does wonders .!!!
perez758 2
same for me.. husband puked for hours last night.. yay for the new year!
blackwynter 0
I have no clue why the hell everyone is giving the OP sympathy. There has been a ton of women, me included, that has been pregnant during the holiday season. It's fun to watch people be idiots and do crazy shit while being drunk. If she didn't want to be the designated driver or puke cleaner, she should of stayed home instead of going to the party. What I find really ****** up is that she finds being sober while pregnant is a fml. Everyone that is defending her about it, the OP could of phrased what she posted differently. Everyone knows you are going to be sober while pregnant but she wanted to include it. I bet the sober people at the parties she went to before she was pregnant had to clean up her puke and drive her home. @ #24 and #66: The OP did not comment on anything about wanting to go home, being tired, or wanting to crawl into bed. She chose to go to the party and if she was "tired and wanted to crawl into bed", she should of stayed home. I was pregnant last New Year and everyone was drunk. I had to pick up after them and take care of everything. You know that is going to happen since you're one of the sober ones at a party. For the OP, get use to cleaning up puke. It's going to be a lot more of that and worst once you have the baby.
zolziski 11
She may not have mentioned being tired and wanting to go home, but I think it's a given when you mention you're pregnant. I'm sure she could have stayed at home, but really, who wants to be all alone on New Years? (She probably would have posted an FML about being alone at home and people would have given her uphill for choosing not to go out). She probably didn't even realise how awful the experience would be til it was too late and she was committed to staying there til at least midnight. As I said in one of my previous comments, it's not that she wanted to have a drink and not be sober, it was just annoying that there was no one on her wavelength and she was probably feeling left out. Perhaps your experience was different to hers and mine, but I relate to the OP 100%.
buggybeauty 0
that's what you get for getting pregnant
BlahLand 0
awwww that sucks and arnt u supose to not drink when ur pregnant? D:
brootalxkeni 0
you deserve it for complaining so much.
jamjenni2774 0
hey your the one that opened your legs!!!
princessaj 0
every pregnant woman went through that so stop whineing and grow up. you want a child you put up with the pregnancy. me and my partner tried for over a year before we managed to concieve so think yourself lucky
boatkicker 5
Where in the FML does it say how long it took the OP to conceive? Nowhere. It could have been immediately, or it could have taken her several years. It's not relevant to the FML, anyways.
rayne2021 5
**** that. go to a spa and get a massage or something
Lisa89 3
You're bitching you get to live a healthy lifestyle (not drinking) to bring your baby into the world? You get to remember the night and are able to drive on New Years. The only fml part is the puke cleaning, which you'll have to do anyway when you have your kid. Life isn't all about going out and getting pissed up..