Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Party hard
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
It's not what you think
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
Wild night
Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML
Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head
Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML
Top comments
CaptainPat 0
well if your pregnant you shouldn't be drinkin anyway. and if your the sober one it only makes sense to be the DD. the only FMLish part is the opuke cleaner.
perdix 31
Well, the pregnant -> sober -> designated driver, but you should be clever enough to convince your baby daddy that you can't be the puke cleaner. Tell him he has to clean up his own puke or HIS CHILD WILL DIE! Give him some jibber-jabber about toxoplasmosis -- he'll be too drunk to look at Wikipedia.
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Comments (90)
mintcar 10
What's the problem here? Oh no, you're pregnant AND sober? That can't be good for the baby, not at all.
ruby84 1
learn to say NO
floppycow 0
well if your pregnant I hooe your sober, I'm mean really? on the other things yes tht sucks
jkwanx88x 0
hehe hang in there
Kaneila0517 0
I love how everyone sees the first 2 things she mentioned but I think she meant that the puke cleaner part is her fml
ladybugobgyn 0
What a baby you are being. Time for you to grow up. This will be the first of many times you will be cleaning up puke. Don't forget the poop, pee and other assorted messes the child will make.
boatkicker 5
Cleaning up puke because someone is sick is a LOT different than cleaning up puke because your friends/boyfriend/husband/whoever was too stupid to stop drinking.
boatkicker 5
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that OP isn't complaining about being sober in general, but rather about being sober in a crowd of drunk people. Drunk people are fine when you're drunk, but when you're sober, drunk people seem a lot more obnoxious, but OP is pregnant, and can't get drunk. Personally, I'd rather sit at home alone, than go out and be the only sober person in a room full of people. OP shouldn't be complaining about the designated driver bit, though. If you can't drink, and you're going out with who are getting drunk, it's sort of an unspoken agreement.
zolziski 11
Althoug I don't agree with what #62 is saying, I think they fully intended on writing "whinging", because that is a legitimate word derived from "whinge".
eilearose 3
She's only lamenting about missing the holiday fun everyone else is having. That's what this site is for. Everyone saying "Stop whining, stop being a baby, stop complaining" how about you try stop reading this website, because the name FMyLife kind of implies what sort of nature the posts are going to have, don't ya think? But you're all probably just pissed because she was out doing something with her friends, even while incapacitated, while you sat at home alone and whined away the hours on FML.
JManHobbs 0
Pwnt.
GabIsAWESOME 0
stop whining; ur luck they even let you out of the kitchen...
jrtepechis 6
well at least you're not doing something stupid like drinking and I went through the same thing with my husband