Anonymous
United States
Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Coldflame
United States
Party hard
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
dazedandconfused
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
It's not what you think
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Username
United States
Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML
sma93
Baldwin, United States
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
dee
United States
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Anonymous
France
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
alainopotato
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
San Diego, United States
Wild night
Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML
Anonymous
San Marcos, United States
Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head
Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML
Top comments
CaptainPat 0
well if your pregnant you shouldn't be drinkin anyway. and if your the sober one it only makes sense to be the DD. the only FMLish part is the opuke cleaner.
perdix 31
Well, the pregnant -> sober -> designated driver, but you should be clever enough to convince your baby daddy that you can't be the puke cleaner. Tell him he has to clean up his own puke or HIS CHILD WILL DIE! Give him some jibber-jabber about toxoplasmosis -- he'll be too drunk to look at Wikipedia.
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Comments (90)
Sammara 0
Not one of these things is not the result of a choice you made. You didn't have to have sex. You didn't have to keep the baby. You didn't have to be sober (though, since you made those first 2 choices, it's good that you did). You didn't have to agree to be the DD. You didn't have to clean up any puke. All your decisions. YDI.
Sparkadelic 4
Anyone who has ever been pregnant understands that shes not complaining about BEING pregnant, shes just frustrated at having to do all of this WHILE pregnant. Its not fun people.
rasta_pasta 4
I don't see how that makes a difference. She could have chosen to stay home, not deal with drunk people and not be DD. Yet she did all these, whilst pregnant, and we're supposed to sympathize?
peteysmom 0
OP, I honestly don't think it is safe for you or your unborn child to be DD or going out where everyone is gonna drink copious amount of alcohol. YDI for putting the fetus and yourself in danger and **** your friends for being so selfish.
rawrimapenguin 0
yay!:D
lillypilly35 0
I hope your sober if your pregnant. and by the way you'll have to clean up a Loy more puke once you have the baby. stop complaining.
ck0251086 0
should not have had sex
purrfume 0
All of which you chose yourself so why fyl?BTW being sober shouldn't be another fml thing next to pregnant - pregnancy should include being sober. if it doesn't for you then you're an idiot. anyway happy new year and maybe just stop feeling sorry and deal with it a bit more in 2011?! your pregnant, you can't drink, that's that and the only way it should ever be.
AdobeAlf 2
lol, i don't think this is an fmylife since YDI for not taking care of yourself.
InsaneGenius 0
Being the designated driver is fine; that goes along with friendship and caring. The puke cleaner is NOT in that description. If they spew they can clean that up themselves! That's a complete different level than cleaning up the gross things that spew from your own child!
Sharpiesgirl 1
#59-i ****** love u..more people should b like u.....smart and using their heads. um..yeah sorry u decided to get laid and get pregnant..ud think ud b happy about that? and unless ur one stupid *****...pregnancy= NO ****** DRINKING= designated driver.....cuz if not..ur an evil woman to put ur unborn baby through hell and screw up its life/development. sooo quit ur bitching and shut ur yap woman...u chose to get preggo......the puke cleaning? k thats not ok if they pulke get them to clean up their own mess