Anonymous
United States
Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Coldflame
United States
Party hard
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
dazedandconfused
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
It's not what you think
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Username
United States
Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML
sma93
Baldwin, United States
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
dee
United States
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Anonymous
France
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
alainopotato
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
San Diego, United States
Wild night
Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML
Anonymous
San Marcos, United States
Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head
Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML
Top comments
CaptainPat 0
well if your pregnant you shouldn't be drinkin anyway. and if your the sober one it only makes sense to be the DD. the only FMLish part is the opuke cleaner.
perdix 31
Well, the pregnant -> sober -> designated driver, but you should be clever enough to convince your baby daddy that you can't be the puke cleaner. Tell him he has to clean up his own puke or HIS CHILD WILL DIE! Give him some jibber-jabber about toxoplasmosis -- he'll be too drunk to look at Wikipedia.
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Comments (90)
jasonsexcema 3
see i just wouldn't have a baby in the first place. problem solved
ashweeeann 0
me too! minus pregnant..
yourmurderscenex 13
maybe you should learn to keep your legs shut and you wouldnt be having this problem. plus you didn't have to go. but really, what'd you expect... everyone to be sober with you??
Writingislife16 1
OP being pregnant does not make her a ****. She could very well be married and ready to have children. That is after all what most people do once they are married. A durrr.
jess295 0
woah u guys really dont agree with op
TrimKibbles 12
deal with it. it's one day. shit happens.
jimbawa 1
whats with all the negative feelings for the OP? Its just the culmination of a lot of unfortunate / stressful things. Sorry you had such an unpleasant new years OP, I figured someone should say it.
partychix246 0
well at least you can now tell all the people u drove to watch ur kid cuz u cleaned up their puke
soprecious225 0
I'm right there with you... sigh!
hatster 4
Poor little ***** isnt allowed to kill her fetus on New Years Eve. Poo ******* Whoo.
JokersChild310 0
no sympathy