Anonymous
United States
Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Coldflame
United States
Party hard
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
dazedandconfused
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
It's not what you think
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Username
United States
Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML
sma93
Baldwin, United States
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
dee
United States
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Anonymous
France
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
alainopotato
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
San Diego, United States
Wild night
Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML
Anonymous
San Marcos, United States
Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head
Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML
Top comments
CaptainPat 0
well if your pregnant you shouldn't be drinkin anyway. and if your the sober one it only makes sense to be the DD. the only FMLish part is the opuke cleaner.
perdix 31
Well, the pregnant -> sober -> designated driver, but you should be clever enough to convince your baby daddy that you can't be the puke cleaner. Tell him he has to clean up his own puke or HIS CHILD WILL DIE! Give him some jibber-jabber about toxoplasmosis -- he'll be too drunk to look at Wikipedia.
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Comments (90)
Garlic_fml 0
Well you shouldn't be pregnant! Ha. That does suck though.
MercyFrag 22
Thumbs Up for staying Sober!
minx663 1
As someone who had two miscarriages in 2010 and wants nothing more than to be a mum, this post is really offensive to me. I would have given anything to still have my baby inside me and would have gladly been a sober driver forever if I could just have him or her alive. Think yourself lucky you selfish woman.
kingdomhearts3 0
#87 Wow, settle down...maybe you shouldn't read these posts if the littlest things are going to drive you into a rage..anyways at OP, it was your choice to get pregnant. If you didn't fully consider the consequences that would come along with it, then you shouldn't have got pregnant, and either way you shouldn't be bitching about it..Maybe get pregnant on Jan 1 next time..
hanzoo 0
who do you think you are to talk to someone like that, she is very clearly not complaining about being pregnant and is complaining about the fact that she's sober and puke cleaner while all her friends have fun.
ColdGold 6
Is this a surprise?
hanzoo 0
she obviously meant the puke cleaner part as her FML, the other things were obviously just to back up her FML because otherwise people would be questioning why she decided to stay sober.
cory11011 4
Congrats though!!!
poppetpea 5
i suck ****, the end
dabears1011234 27
Well you are pregnant, did you really want to risk it?
skatoolaki 24
TFW you realize the person who wrote this now has a 7 year-old.