Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I found a mysterious container in the back of my fridge. I opened it to try and figure out what it was. I still don't know what it was, but now my entire flat smells like it. FML
Today, I found a package outside my door and assumed that I'd drunk-ordered shit on Amazon. I opened it before checking the label, which I should've done because it was addressed to my neighbor, and contained 6 pounds of live crickets for someone's pet lizard. I have never closed a box faster. FML
Today, my package with two brand new toys got delivered to the wrong apartment. Somewhere in this apartment complex, a stranger is either judging me or having the best day of their life. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML
Today, I received a package labeled “Confidential.” Excited, I opened it in front of my coworkers, thinking it was a PR gift. It was the new toilet seat I'd mistakenly sent to my work address instead of my house. FML
Today, I received three big boxes from my mother in law, containing expensive cookware. I was puzzled, because I know that she hates me. Turns out she mailed them to us by mistake. Not only did she not get us anything, but I now have to pay to ship the boxes to her neighbor. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
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Top comments
ashily24 12
It was for your new blender. Duh.
Donut_Wizard 23
These days people don't throw rotten fruit at bad acting, they ship it instead.
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Comments (10)
ashily24 12
It was for your new blender. Duh.
davecross 11
Are you sure you didn't order the vegetables for the blender and just forgot
Donut_Wizard 23
These days people don't throw rotten fruit at bad acting, they ship it instead.
RichardPencil 32
They weren’t rotten, they were fermenting. Make your own Kampuchea! PS: That’s too close to Satan’s Anus, my trademarked name for my ironic Journey tribute band.
RichardPencil 32
*kombucha. ******* autocorrect! Kombucha is much closer to kambucha,
Glowworm56 27
Today I learnt that Satan's asshole smells like rotting vegetables.
RichardPencil 32
You also learned that someone collected that data!
Lobby_Bee 18
Sending glitter is outdated now? Rotten vegetables is the new thing to send to people you hate?
LtCmdrData 11
That's called Vegan Leftovers.
clair_brodie 35
I wonder if someone did not order you a fruit/vegetable box and it just got their ruined.