Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
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Top comments
zp5 4
boyfriend: "hey guys, i farted and it smelled so bad that my girlfriend threw up all over the coffee table. LOL!" his friends: "whoooa that is so cool." "that is awesome." "hilarious." "i wish my farts smelled that bad!"
TryptamineDreame 0
You should give him one of your rotten pregnancy farts right in his mouth while he's sleeping. He probably wouldn't be laughing then.
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Comments (221)
sourgirl101 29
Hey, don't bitch. This is whom you chose to be the father of your child. On the bright side, morning sickness is a sign of a healthy baby.
GaryBusey1121 0
flatulence is a sign of a healthy colon Congrats to the both of them
mattman1994 0
it's also a sign of turn up the volume on the tv
mrsfloyd31310 0
my baby's healthy and I've had no morning sickness.
Helmut Arias Rodriguez 21
Don’t worry, you will
chrissimmons 0
lmao classic
WiseGuy79 14
Is it just me or has the word 'epic' become completely over used? The next time I hear someone talk about their 'epic' match or the 'epic' coffee they had this morning I'm going to punch them in their 'epic' ******* face
TaylorTotsYumm 10
I hate that word. Unless it's used: '...of epic proportions.'
sourgirl101 29
"Epic" makes me think of "Faith No More". "You want it all but you can't have it" "What is it? They say, What is it?" **bring in the dying fish**
ohthebloodygore 16
I really hate the comment bug. 37, that was an epic win. If this doesn't show... eh. I'll go eat a cupcake.
kiwi00 0
the word epic has lost all meaning.
KingDingALing 9
Let's create a new word! It was awesome TO THE MAX! YEAHH! :D
Fortuitous 0
Technically, that's three words. But the world does need a new phrase.
beastmcbeastly 0
this was an epic conversation about how epic should be replaced by a more epic word. a change of those proportions would be epic.
Wheels6130 0
calm your epic balls
demarcusT 0
Epicdently, his epic balls are too epic to be epically calmed. Thus epically resulting in an epic rant about the epicness of the epic word, epic. Which also epically reminds me of the epic coffee I epically drank this epic morning at an epic coffee store called Starbucks. It was so epic I had to epically go back and get some more of the epic coffee in the epic afternoon.
Mariomagic22 2
wizards of waverly place reference nice lol
laden_swallow09 35
Ditto! Kids exaggerate nearly EVERYTHING now. Rotten ass is hardly a poetic composition or on a grand or massive scale. Funny to those who appreciate scat humor, but hardly epic. If I were OP, I would literally kick his swampy ass just for using "epic" with such gratuitous wanton. Use proper English, douche!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I propose we initiate a campaign to introduce "gratuitous wanton" to the greater vocabulary of the internet. Note that I did NOT say "teh intertoobz". The idiots on that part of the web can keep their "epic", provided they stay away from the more literate corners of the virtual community.
EvilPotato 15
22 this epic conversation is way to epic for me and my epic phone. I read this epic fail comment after I epically texted my epic grandfather who's epically sick but still agree's that you fail epically,epic,epic.
DeLpHe3zY 7
umad. bro?
Ninjasaurus18 9
66- 'to the max' has been done before.
Jessepowers 9
i did something epic today i drank epic coffee
MrMiniMe 0
You have to realize though, just because the dude may be an ass in doing/saying something like that doesn't actually make it his fault. If someone decides to stay with someone like that it's their own fault and problem. It is the partner's choice where to stay with the ass or not, and thus it becomes their responsibility to deal with them as well.
luckygohappy 9
OP really doesn't have much of a choice now, though. They're having a child together, so she's stuck dealing with him for the next 18+ years.
chosha_fml 27
Staying is her fault. His behaviour is his fault. Just because someone stays doesn’t mean any behaviour they have to deal with is just their fault and they can’t complain. He’s also choosing to be with her and to act like an asshole.
Rieks 0
Hahaa sounds hilarious
TaylorTotsYumm 10
He spend?
Sammara 0
YDI for thinking that someone with that level of care and maturity would be a good person with whom to procreate.
sniperkitten 0
17 and 18 are right. i may be a girl, but my friends are all guys and not all of them at that way. that's just a stupid generalization.
perdix 31
Sounds like your boyfriend is going to make great "dad" material. Why do I see single motherhood in your future? YDI for getting pregnant out of wedlock! WWSS (What Would Snickerdoodles Say?)
perdix 31
If you bitch at your boyfriend for farting, he'll say "**** off!" and walk out, leaving you and your baby high and dry. If you have the meathooks of matrimony into him, you can bitch at him all you want, and if he wants to leave, you'll get at least half his stuff and alimony and child-support money for the kid. It has nothing to do with the farting, but it's all about the financial support of the baby which is a consolation prize for not having a good dad around.
missmadii 0
just because he happens to fart and laugh because she threw up doesn't mean he's not going to "make great dad material"
boopityboppity 11
snickerdoodles would berate the OP for saying, "spend," instead of saying, "spent."
Wheels6130 0
ur a fag
bankrupt 15
A good father would not treat the mother of his children the way this asshole treated the OP.
Malfunktyn24 0
OMG that was ****** hilarious
luckygohappy 9
Wedlock doesn't always make a difference, but it's definitely a YDI for having unprotected sex (or any sex, really) with someone so horribly immature. Let me guess, when the baby gets a horrible case of diarrhea, he's going to take pictures of it to brag to all his friends, while she's left cleaning it up. Also, single mother isn't really a better option. Then, she's fighting him for child support and worrying over how her child is being treated during his visitations.
qka551 0
lol