Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
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Top comments
zp5 4
boyfriend: "hey guys, i farted and it smelled so bad that my girlfriend threw up all over the coffee table. LOL!" his friends: "whoooa that is so cool." "that is awesome." "hilarious." "i wish my farts smelled that bad!"
TryptamineDreame 0
You should give him one of your rotten pregnancy farts right in his mouth while he's sleeping. He probably wouldn't be laughing then.
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Comments (221)
Shazbanger 0
LMFAO ROFL LOL
paddyH 0
Your boyfriend gives me hope in life =]
Julietta_fml 4
#104- wtf is your problem? could you maybe take yourself a bit MORE seriously? and dear OP, this is super funny, and you should totally fart in his face while he's sleeping
77taylah33 0
how old is your boyfriend?!?!?!?!?
tragickingdom 0
jeffswife... Nice tag, by the way. Judging by your name, and the fact that you married so young, AND already have 2 "planned' children by 21, I wonder if you ever had time to really enjoy yourself. Being a young adult is great, and it's a shame you missed out by becoming a housewife who defines herself as someone's wife. This is probably why you are so goddam serious, and so sure that you are better than the rest of us. I can definitely see you as one of those empty-headed woman who's lives center around their man, with their biggest goal in life being "oh, i just want to be a mother." While you were married and procreating, I was having a lot of fun. At this point, I'm ready to settle down and take care of my child, but life certainly isn't perfect. But life is perfect for you, right? With your brand new mini van, and little house with white-picket fence? A fluffy white cat named precious? Hot meal on the table when your man comes home from work? Please. Realize that my FML story is all in good fun, and perhaps you should learn to have a little sense of humor yourself. Oh, and since you seem to completely lack the ability to recognize sarcasm and wit....this entire post should be read as sarcasm. Have a good day, wifey.
fearfulsymmetry 1
I think someone is a little bitter that their life isn't like jeffswife....
iwadasn 33
The fact that you view marriage and having a good time as mutually exclusive proves how immature you are. Why don't you spend a few more years partying and try this conversation again after you've grown up a little, hmm?
kaylosaours 0
shes not immature you bitches that keep accusing her are. jeffswife go **** off and suck your hubbys dick.
rodeocowboy 0
that is great!!!!
scouter223 0
ya thx. cause it's so true I'm a guy and I care about my girlfriends feelings and I would never be such an ass to her
TheWicked 4
hahaha EPIC!!!
ulicksam 0
If you're sick on the couch, wouldn't you have something to puke in, in case you needed it? YDI.
wombledn 0
thank you 22. epic comment.