Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
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Top comments
zp5 4
boyfriend: "hey guys, i farted and it smelled so bad that my girlfriend threw up all over the coffee table. LOL!" his friends: "whoooa that is so cool." "that is awesome." "hilarious." "i wish my farts smelled that bad!"
TryptamineDreame 0
You should give him one of your rotten pregnancy farts right in his mouth while he's sleeping. He probably wouldn't be laughing then.
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Comments (221)
DeathHead 0
Maybe it's God doing it to you since your with child and not married. ****** loser!
abcde_fz 0
that sucks but lol. when my wife was pregnant it was wet burps that got to her, and U did my best to curtail them but everybody slips from time to time when a good one is coming!
HappyPickles 11
Sure sounds like your boy friend is more boy than anything else. But then, you chose to breed with him, so YDI...
july637 3
Congrats on having a baby with a 14 year old. And on having a baby out of wedlock.
mcmurdy1980 0
lmfao yea this is epic
jeffswife 0
Both of my kids WERE planned. I have a lot of factors that make it extremely difficult for me to even get pregnant so believe me when I say this. As a matter of fact, we had a loss in between these two so I should say all THREE of my pregnancies were planned. I didn't need to go party to make my life enjoyable. I've been with my husband since 2004, we married young because we wanted to. I won't let some bitter little girl make assumptions just because SOME women actually put having a family as priority over partying. Cuz guess what? In the scheme of things, that crap doesn't matter. I don't cook for my husband every day. This is 2010. Marriage is a partnership, not about me being a housewife, which I'm not in the LEAST. So talk about making stereotypes. if you're that deluded I could see why you're in denial about marriage actually being beneficial. You can actually be married to a man that doesn't consider you a maid or his property! Shocker! I can honestly say you have a long way to go before you figure out that life with children is about making sacrifices. Making sacrifices and putting another human being before yourself requires maturity. Maybe take some parenting classes in the next few months you have left of your "freedom?" Might do you some good.
jeffswife 0
Oh, and PS. My fluffy white cat's name is Apples. Thank you very much.
tragickingdom 0
See, that's what I was talking about. Way too serious, totally full of yourself, and completely unable to recognize sarcasm or wit. Perhaps your tag should have been BoringStepfordWife?
Griggy 0
You're bf is awesome!
30daywonder 0
jeffswife I noticed how in detail you where about marriage dates and children. yet when you said you were far from a housewife that was all, I'm sure the PTA and bake sales are very rewarding. for myself I am not a father, but someone throwing up from a fart, pregnant or not, is hilarious. a fml is all in good fun, and if your reading them how insanely mature can anyone of us be? tragickingdom, get em girl, if your happy that's all that matters. everyones on their own journey. my intent was not to offend anyone, it's fml, everythings in good fun and if anyone wanted real advice they wouldn't be posting on here to begin with. it's so other people can laugh too at the random stuff that happens to every human on a daily basis.