Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp came up from my throat, and not only that. A small chunk of mucus flew out and landed on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and his parents. It was my first time meeting them, so I was a bit nervous. As we were talking, I accidentally let out a loud burp. His parents looked at me in shock, and my boyfriend just laughed and said, "Well, she's certainly comfortable around you two." FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
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Top comments
Exhaling 12
Febreeze man, it saves you.
hashshim 23
Cardinal rule of dating: never take a dump at their house the first time you're there.
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Comments (98)
Drcreepypasta 9
I am the first one here!
Exhaling 12
Febreeze man, it saves you.
JessBassett 24
that or the new poo pourri hahaha!
rybaby23 8
Then it could smell like shitrus! Haha
Roskosity 22
Or crapapple.
DeeDeeJay 15
Don't you mean crapple?
incoherentrmblr 22
"Her name's Krabappel? All this time i've been calling her crabapple..." - Homer Simpson.
incoherentrmblr 22
*beeping noise* WHAT THE F**K!!! *boom*
EnderWolf1013 9
no... just no.
Roskosity 22
@54 No. I don't.
Ololo_fml 16
next time just leave a note: "Crapfully yours, The Claw aw holy CRAP!"
The_Big_Boss 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Once I unleashed a dump so big it wouldn't flush. So I left it in pride for others to see
theawkwardlife 21
Once I found a turd in the public toilet that was so big that it made me wonder if the reason they didn't flush was because it left the owner paralyzed. So ya, no ones gonna look at your shit and think, "Wow that's amazing! I aspire to one day have a shit like this one!" No pride. Just pity.
xNotCreative 13
I could've went my whole life without knowing this and I would've been okay.
Tthug 34
Once? I do that everyday.
\ 28
#4 - It just means you eat a lot/have a shitty diet. That's nothing to be proud of, holmes
JoshTheTacoMan 19
#50 Have you seen Men In Black 3? Agent K. Almost forgot to leave a tip which would've blown up the Earth. Maybe you would've been eaten by a turtle if you didn't know this. You never know.
markcallanan_ 20
Should've used air freshener
domolovesyoshi 33
except their probably wasn't any although it doesn't say the Op was probably at the in-laws house
lexiieeex3 32
And if the family doesn't have any, then what?
hashshim 23
Cardinal rule of dating: never take a dump at their house the first time you're there.
184886837272837 32
it's not like the fact that you poop is something to be kept secret
garebear61 14
@7 No, but it may help save some embarrassment as it seems op experienced on this date.
theawkwardlife 21
I don't know if it's just me, but pooping is not a choice. I don't think she purposely went to her boyfriend's parents house with a plan to take a shit.
Enslaved 38
Maybe I'm different but for some reason (unless I get struck by food poisoning) I'm able to hold my shit surprisingly for serval hours. I can't remember the last time I used a public restroom to do the deed. It's always been done privately in my own home. Granted sometimes I did rush home because my booty wanted to play-- turtle poking its head out!
whenitdidhappen 14
@ 26, she should have "prepared" herself before going out though.
TunaFireStarter 16
"Prepared?" By what? Using an enema? If I can't go, then I can't go. And I'll hold it as long as I can when I'm not home, but if I really have to go, then there's no stopping it. Everyone poops, and I feel like others shouldn't make a big deal out of it, even if it's horrific smelling. It must have been awfully embarrassing to have the dad yell that out like that!
jellybeens_fml 16
Next time shit at home??
zandalee 20
Or at least double flush!! God doesn't everyone know to do this? As soon as the monster is unleashed flush. Then again after wiping. Cuts back on a lot of released stink!
kairi1994 6
although if you double-flush and someone hears it flushing, they would probably assume you clogged the toilet. :b at least that's what I would think.
Headcrab 29
I poop before showering before a date. saves you a lot of trouble.
MoodiQ 8
well sometimes its uncontrollable
DumbAndYoung 30
What if you don't have to at all before the date, then later on it just hits you?
gracehi 33
I once read a book, "Everybody Poops." It taught me to love myself and my fellow earthlings for we all have this in common. You should give it a read, and not be ashamed of your foul excretion.
name_loading 19
What are you talking about? I've never pooped before...should I see a doctor?
junkman6 22
#33 I think you're full of shit.
jennlody 28
"Everyone eats so.... Everyone poops!"
garebear61 14
So as I am reading this FMl there is a kid in the stall next to me screaming "I can't" followed by groans and crying and I no longer feel comfortable enough to finish my poop! But yea if your letting out something that bad you should've even asked for air freshener as a heads up to everyone else! May be embarrassing, but probably leaves a better impression than the actual situation.
skittle_QUEEN_YO 15
What the ****??? Are they summoning the devil in there? Holy......
interesting33 37
I hope they are okay and not trying to hurt themselves or being blackmailed on their phone or something.
FranklySpeaking 11
There's no shame in the toilet game. If ever asked, just admit to the dispersion of foul waste and keep your head high. If someone walked in after one of my dueces with that reaction, I'd likely chuckle and claim it (maybe apologize if the reaction wasn't exaggerated). I hope you enjoyed dinner.