Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
n_london 0
this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?
kingbob337 0
ouch ouch ouch
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Comments (155)
Izzay__09 0
Screwtaylor - you are officially my idol.
persephone13 0
Is anyone talking about the OP anymore??? LOL. Think maybe I'll get on board and start worshiping this screwtaylor person. Why not? I have no religion...who knew I'd find one on FML! :D
baller789 0
YDI for not cutting up ur hoe to make u guys equal
Overrated731 0
Just wondering...How would you know if you don't like someones comments before you read them? I mean don't you have to read them to realize you don't like them? :P
kittenmeow 0
WOW!! poor dude!!
honeyishrnkdakid 2
DAMN! FYL.
tony8pie 0
You want some cheese with that whine?Oh wait, you might hurt yourself again. Not an fml. I help treat cancer patients. They would love to only have one surgical scar...
ky_stone22 0
I disagree. I think that this is an FML. Sure, having cancer sucks worse than this, but that's why we can laugh at this. The OP will heal. But it's still an FML.
roflsauce 0
Shut the **** up. This site isn't about who has it worse. According to you this site shouldn't even exist because there isn't a post here about someone dying of cancer.
thesunshotme 0
Dude lighten up. FML's a website for entertainment. Sure, some FMLs are actually tragic, but most of them are written by people who look back and laugh at the little unfortunate things that happen to them. If you don't want to read about people whining, GTFO.
buffalo_9 0
lol thats so gross but wicked funny...
tflnfml 0
That's why you don't use a cheese grater. That kind of stuff happens all the time.
shellybean87 0
That's almost as clumsy as my friend tripping over her dog and breaking her foot.... actually you out clutzed her! congrats
foryoublue94 0
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