Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
n_london 0
this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?
kingbob337 0
ouch ouch ouch
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Comments (155)
fmlette_fml 0
i think everyone that says "#.. blah blah" needs to shut up :)
allie_says_rawr 0
thinks that #98 is jelous xD kidding. i have nothing else to do. and ouuuuuuuchhhh. i'm sorry! tell your wife i said yooo.
XxmidnightXx4545 0
OUCHHHHH that gotta hurt!!
DameGreyWulf 1
Why was your wife puking? Because of the blood? Wuss.... Unless you were cut to the bone or something. Either way though it ******* sucks. If I was your wife, I'd feel god damned awful (not that she would have any reason to, since you did it to yourself, but you were trying to help her and that ended up happening with her knife to blame).
ClumsyJason 3
yee guyss. srsly leave her alone.
i_is_a_tr00l 0
At least it wasn't your penis. :] Then you would have been in loads and loads of mess. And probally woulda had a babydick. :o
liquidbunny 0
Goodness, sir I do believe we call this situation a clusterfuck.
GiannaxRevenge 0
This reminds me of something that would happen on Metalocalypse.
Emma58_fml 0
bloodly lunch =..=
Checkerz_54 0
dw my sister cut off her thumb when cutting cheese at the age of 3. she had less than a centimetre holding her thumb on. massive knife went thru the bone and all XD. she sang mary had a little lamb all the way to hospital ^.-