Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over something that popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML
Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML
Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I approached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML
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Top comments
PAPERCLIPv2 4
But you saved a life in the process, so it's worth it
igive 29
t least you prevented an accident.
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Comments (122)
igive 29
t least you prevented an accident.
igive 29
*at
hama806 19
You are a hero! You saved her life. This is not an FML in my opinion. A broken arm instead of lost life is worth it any day. Good job OP!
green2go 14
I hope he got her number
jjessen 20
Bitch owes you a sandwich
EnigmaThe321 12
91- why would #1 get OP's number?
perdix 31
#1, true, but he caused another.
sens3sfailing 25
I think that the girl should have at least given him a titty sniff...
PAPERCLIPv2 4
But you saved a life in the process, so it's worth it
myFMLname 8
That depends if she's pretty or not
Nutz101 7
72 that does not mean anything. He saved her. Good job op
Zomg_Okay 27
72 - So if you had the time to think about it, you'd decide whether to save a life or not, based on their looks? That is absolutely appalling.
blutopaz 5
I'm pretty sure 72 was joking. Stop being so mean.
Zomg_Okay 27
No, he wasn't joking. Jokes are funny.
MattZAX 9
Good guy Greg
ShadowlessSpear 21
Funny is subjective.
pedosmurf 7
Good you saved one good job but how do you sprain your wrist from falling?
BunchieRules 31
Most people instinctively try to break a fall with their hands, and they sometimes become twisted in the process.
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
How do you sprain an ankle while running?
maytheforce_ 0
I've sprained my wrist a bunch of times while falling, my wrist usually caught my fall.. It's not like its impossible to sprain it by falling.
DocBastard 40
How could you possibly have misread "fractured" as "sprained"?
jelly713 19
Sprained is different than fractured. Fractured is a lot worse. So you're letting 3 off easy.
pedosmurf 7
Wow I ****** up big time :/ sorry
tehcyberman 9
55- It was a minor mistake, replace sprain with fracture and the points made in this thread were still the same. You were still wrong about it being impossible or hard to fracture a wrist from a fall.
ChaoticBacon 6
Actually you're wrong. Once a fracture is healed, the bone is stronger. Sprain leaves it weakened forever. Pre-Med for the win.
letmehavemytea 21
That explains why my left ankle is always getting sprained or twisted over and over and over again :/
Harpy20 24
Karma *****?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
another crappy comment?
unknown_user5566 27
18- I don't see you writing any great comments, either.
gc327072 31
19- stop getting on to people. Let the thumbs determine what's what, that's what they're for.
unknown_user5566 27
33- Interesting advice, considering you are "getting on to" me. I've just seen people giving Harpy a hard time on every comment she posts over the last few days, and it's getting a little annoying. If you're going to give someone shit for a "bad" comment, at least be a person who makes good comments to back up your judgement.
Pleonasm 36
Ok, ok, guys. I can see where this is going. It'll be a vicious cycle of putting each other down for what the last person said to the person before... All we'll end up with left is a mass grave of buried comments. Peace.
LolPieRofl 11
I actually do enjoy harpy's comments...
unknown_user5566 27
Gawd, Pleonasm. Why you gotta be all reasonable and shizz? You're probably right though. May as well quit while we're ahead.
Harpy20 24
58-I'm more like a Karma Pimp. Giving bitches what they deserve since 1990.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Kylee, I was merely giving her a dose of her own, as a gentle reminder of her own approach to commenting on comments. No bad blood here. Gotta love the irony though, that she's bringing up karma...
FMLKitten 15
43) You did a lovely job of proving 39's point. A simple "You're right, I'm sorry" without all the commentary beforehand would've been an adequate response... But whatever. Don't listen to me; I am being hypocritical by typing up this comment in the first place.
Shadowvoid 33
That's rather humorous (bone in your arm) how the universe works. You will get your reward soon enough. The girl will also get what is coming for her, she better hope it isn't another car.
DocBastard 40
That pun would have worked well had you spelt "humerus" correctly.
unknown_user5566 27
They also generally work best if you don't have to explain why it's a pun in the middle of your sentence.
BunchieRules 31
This is going tibia horrible pun thread.
Pleonasm 36
Don't be so sternum 22! Nah, I'm just ribbing you, carry on.
scr_sensei 14
Ulna-ver get how people can be so bad at these FML comment puns. You just have bone up a little on the topic and not try to be so slyloid in your process. I guess maybe they're not for everyone? Some people should just fast fractures and give it a break. ...Phalangesus, that last one was a bit forced.
Shadowvoid 33
Shit balls doc, i did spell it right... My accursed phone has failed me with its autocorrect and crazy gadgets
DocBastard 40
Don't de-capitate me here...I'm just acting like a hamate. You may think I'm a lunate-ic, but I'm surprised at the wrist puns.
BunchieRules 31
Thanks for supporting me, 24. OP, I applaud you for having a spine and saving a life. That's the mark of a real man-dible. What an insulin-t girl, running out in the medulla of the street! How could she be so marrow-minded?
Pleonasm 36
Hold on a sec guys, if these puns are going beyond bones here, then things are gonna get out of hand. I don't think I'll be able to stomach the puns, so before you guys go all nucleus warfare, I'll head off before you've all wrecked-um!
Shadowvoid 33
I can't fit the word trequitrum into a pun... I quit
darkmis1 18
The girl doesn't deserve anything. She didn't break OPs arm.
kleider1 9
She better have thanked you. Hope you get better. Don't stop trying to do the right thing.
sugarshane007 20
No good deed goes unpunished, or uninjured in your case.
Holyshihtzus 7
It's just another good Samaritan getting the raw end of the deal. -_-
VixSparda 5
why are good deeds punished. thats the most retarded saying ever
mvc3ftw 17
Because karma...is a bitch.
Link7130 4
Maybe karma wanted to kill her, but since you saved her karma got back at you.
Bea_FaCurtains 17
The road to hell was paved with nice guys trying to save others from getting run over.
cyborger 1
The problem with this kind of thinking is that a force that can do anything should not be able to be "cheated" yet somehow when it gets revenge it's all of a sudden unstoppable. Please give logical thinking a try.
DocBastard 40
This will be a great story to tell your kids in 15 years. "Sit down and let me tell you how I met your mother..."
unknown_user5566 27
That actually would be a super cute story. Much better than "we met in a bar", or something. OP's kids could grow up thinking that their parent is a superhero who saves people's lives. :)
honeybadgerr 9
The question is whether he could trust having kids with someone like that. If she can't even pay attention to her surroundings... I would be deathly afraid for her children
memebaz700 5
I knew someone was going to say that lol :D
nightfire2258 24
That's exactly what I was thinking Doc. If not that it could result in a very fulfilling evening of thankfulness from the woman.
tehcyberman 9
Everyone makes mistakes, 50. Sure, she was being careless, but you can't judge her entire personality and character off 20 seconds of her life. Maybe she is completely careless all the time, but you never know.
Pleonasm 36
You wrist your life for her, and I gotta hand it to you, you're head and shoulders above the rest of the people who wouldn't think twice to stand in arm's way for another person.
afropuffjake 9
Spoken like a true humor-wrist.