Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML
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Top comments
grahmagog 14
Im sure all cats are just russian spies...hellbent on human annihilation
tomhofer 14
One would think that by now people would refrain from letting cats in the bathroom
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Comments (73)
grahmagog 14
Im sure all cats are just russian spies...hellbent on human annihilation
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Cats are cute, cuddly bastards. I have scars to prove it.
hemz_fml 13
How could the cat come in is my question, do you leave the door open or was the cat in their while your dropped a deuce?
tomhofer 14
One would think that by now people would refrain from letting cats in the bathroom
sum42guy2k 6
My cat decided to join me in the bathtub when he was a kitten... Few years later same thing.... He joins me in the bathroom every now and then, but he is much smarter and better behaved
UberNova 18
Another totally unheard of and controversial idea....train the cat to only jump on you when you call it.
Ali_Br_fml 33
@27, I had a kitten who liked to jump in while I was taking a shower too. He didn't even mind getting wet. He never scratched or bit any of us either, not even when my mom stepped on his tail. We lost him in a move. My cousin brought him out and a loud truck scared him into hiding. She SAYS he bit her and ran off... The little liar. She was just jealous. Cats rule :)
Grod098 5
Who leaves their door open when taking a dunce.... just saying
buckeyed 20
what if OP lives alone? is it still weird then?
SlapAndTickle 20
If I'm home alone and making a captain's log, your god damn right I'm going to leave the door open. No one wants to brew in their own stew.
MorganBrown 8
Even when I shut the door myself, my door won't stay shut. I have a bad door handle and my parents refuse to get a new one. My cat does this to me EVERY MORNING when I have to go potty. He'll shove his whole body at the door, open it, and jump In my lap. It's completely weird.
Wizzlbang 10
maybe they're claw-strophobic
LosAngelesGalaxy 7
22, this may be the greatest FML comment of all time
icadragoon 11
That sounds catastrophic.
IronMan3758 4
That's why my cat tends to stay out of my bathroom
hannahsnyder69 16
It's always weird to have pets in the bathroom while on the toilet. I always feel watched
KidTajic 13
This is why you should buy penguin.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Anyone else read that in a caveman voice?
SystemofaBlink41 27
Anyone else read that in a caveman voice?
SystemofaBlink41 27
Anyone else read that in a caveman voice?
SatansBiggestFan 4
Anyone else read that in a caveman voice?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I did it in a Russian accent.
Wizardo 34
At least your pussy didn't scratch your well... that would be unfortunate or kinky, whatever floats your boat.
k_lylepad 19
Um...ouch.
shesaywha 19
If only there was some way to make it possible to keep things out of the room... such as a large plank of wood over the hole in the wall...