Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed, so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends, and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
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Top comments
jizzwold 21
Because obviously the best way to feel better about your loneliness is casual sex.
MrHotShot22 6
It's cause you deceived him with lies! Lies!
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Comments (221)
mandapanda394 10
I never "false advertise" other than heels if i'm just wanting to get some. i have several heavily padded bras i wear because they make me feel better and i get treated better when i wear them.
paulpings 6
Anyone else see that film "I'm gonna get you sucka" ? Where the woman starts removing all her fake things before sex? - ass, boobs, hair, teeth? Ahhhh junebug!
Enslaved 38
Don't forget leg! (: Chris Rocks' first movie debut. That rib scene is still funny to this day!
watsinausername 13
Keep going OP, tell us what happened next. Did Manchester United score?
doritowhore 9
For one, going out and hooking up with some random guy right after a breakup is not a very bright idea. Secondly, I never really understood the point in sex with a complete stranger. How do you know they aren't psychotic? Or that there isn't some other problem? Call me paranoid, but just by reading FMLs we have plenty of examples.
taranpreet 7
They say it's not the best idea but a lot of people do it. It can be a real self-esteem booster..except maybe not in OPs case
EvilUndead 9
Having sex with a stranger might not be a bad thing (although there's risk of STD), but 1. Bringing stranger into your HOME. 2. and Bringing DRUNK stranger into your home. Definitely isn't a smart move. Those two things are security risks. Drunkenness means trouble, and revealing home location means trouble if your hookup is prone to stalking. So if you want to screw random people, it would make sense to do it somewhere else without revealing your home location.
lowshadows 21
Omg u stuffed your shirt?! This aren't boobs they're lies! lies I.tell you! where them Tig ol Bitties at?
ninjalovin 8
Sorry my bad ... I took them without you noticing.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Tell him you do magic shows.
Scooby4201 4
you sound easy lemme come over too
isabellegypsy 12
YDI, there isn't anything wrong with small boobs. I'm sure that would have been less embarrassing then having them shrink when your bra came off OP!
K92 13
YDI. Why are you hooking up with a random guy you met at a club?