Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML
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Top comments
Dre27 20
Did his girlfriend dump him for being gay? A man tearing another mans asshole sounds a bit strange.
revan546 24
I believe that would lead to said tearing of a new asshole
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Comments (56)
Steve95401 49
Maybe the guy didn't like the topless picture his now former girlfriend sent to him.
brandon3747 16
Stand up for yourself
ZoroMiHawk 25
And you let him push you around? You didn't say it, but if he doesn't want to believe it then that's his problem, doesn't mean you should let him push you around.
FlyingPie 17
Who calls someone a loser for being dumped? Nobody knows his situation or why she dumped him. For all we know, she's just a bitch. But we didn't hear what she said about him, so it's hard to know for sure.
brandoneyez1 25
You have only two options, diffuse the situation or sock him in the mouth.
ShariG2010 8
Wrong place wrong time type of thing sorry op
deathfyre8 13
The moment he touched me I would've beat his ass
doodlecloud 27
It would've been an fyl but then you used the 's word'...so now it's a ydi. I mean, it didn't literally cause this situation but it's still pretty douchey and offensive so yeah...
False_Stupidity 42
So, he somehow deserves it simply because he referred to the arse wipe behind him that actually called the guy a loser as a spastic in an FML. I think your logic tree has lost a few branches.
doodlecloud 27
I did JUST say, he obviously didn't literally cause it. As in, one action did not literally deserve the other. =_= I just don't particularly want to sympathise with someone who uses a word like that. I do however wonder if it's perhaps not as offensive in Australia or the US as it is in the UK as I'm surprised more people weren't offended. To me it is on par with the n-word and I'm sure that wouldn't be okay on here.
LtBrenton 16
I personally find mincing around with "the [letter] word" infinitely more offensively irritating than even some of the fruitiest oaths our fine language has to offer.
mikbrooke 25
#43 the 's word', as you put it, is nowhere near as offensive as the 'n word' in australia. but unless you're an asshole or racist, not many people use the 'n word'. we just use spastic to pretty much mean crazy.
doodlecloud 27
44 It bugs me too but I'm just trying not to offend people further. 47 Oh okay, well I've always known it as offensive over here. Like 'retarded' is recognised as an offensive word but still quite commonly used, 'spastic' is like the word that came before and pretty much unheard of nowadays, it's quite arachaic. So it's actually probably less like the n-word and more like saying 'half-caste' or something....offensive and a blast from the past.
doodlecloud 27
Oh well I finally bothered to google it...yeah you're right, regarding the US. For anyone else interested, go on Wikipedia, it clearly explains the difference between the two countries. Kind of interesting. :)
moophasa 19
I didn't read the word "got" the first time and was very confused.
vikky538 29
the tag is so funny...thanks i already got one...