Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
The Long Arm of the Law bends many ways.
xlord 27
Granny and grandpa are still rebels fighting 'the man.'
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Comments (59)
CookieLovesBoo 16
I wish I had grandparents like those , at least they're entertaining
MidnaLink 35
And this is one reason I am glad my Grandma does not speak one word of English (Croatian).
Ray_of_midnight 23
I hope your grandparents don't live in the jurisdiction where your boyfriend is on the job. I bet your grandparents are the sort to pull the "My grandson-in-law is a cop!" nonsense to try to evade responsibility for their trailer-park shenanigans.
graceinsheepwear 34
I'm with grandpa on this one.
Faff 20
ACAB
Omniprism 15
Your grandparents sound funny albeit embarrassing occasionally. Lets hope your boyfriend has a sense of humor.
toalysium 15
Hilarious! Old ***** given: 0.
sbjess 8
your grandparents are AWESOME!
baref00tmama 15
I can't check either "your life sucks" or "you deserved it". Nobody deserves grandparents that hilarious!
Kc1001 14
Hippies