Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML
Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML
Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
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Top comments
lajaynay 15
I wish my grandmother talked like that. Then I wouldn't have Bible verses thrown at me whenever I walk in the door.
Rickilynn1 10
Your grandma seems cool.
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Comments (116)
Rickilynn1 10
Your grandma seems cool.
iloveeyouuxD 9
I know right. I wish my grandma was that open lol
Drigr 9
yeah. unless he's some hardcore Christian or something he was probably "**** yeah!"
dakotasgirl00 2
Your grandma is a badass be proud.
kmumma 3
Wonder what she was like in her prime:p
2ndSucks 15
Im so showing this to my grandparents.
forkbrother13 0
MY GRANDMAS DEAD!!
iluvboobies 9
OP, watch out! Your granny might vag-block you.
The_Weirdo 10
Op, what are you worried about? If my Gf's family complemented me like that I would have it made. Unfortunately to them, I am a piece of shit from the bowls of hell.
gideeupp 9
Haha I love grandmas like that :) Mine is usually pretty conservative til she yelled '****' one day... Haha
samammynanny 0
Well I prefer a grandma like that over the racist one I have!!!!!! I told her I was dating a black guy and she flipped!!
newnew8 0
your grandma is the ******* shit. love her!
VeroAnne 11
Your grandma got game!
iSitt 0
Looks like two thumbs up from the grandma
Lucidium 0
What is racism
Elendil_fml 10
I agree. Your grandma is awesome.
duckman9 55
that's the coolest grandma ever!
nativepimp 1
my grandma smokes weed...
naughtia 14
At least he didn't **** her sideways
roxas355 0
Lmao
scaryasfuck666 0
.
childproofpizza 19
an insightful comment
lajaynay 15
I wish my grandmother talked like that. Then I wouldn't have Bible verses thrown at me whenever I walk in the door.
Sheave 0
agreed.
kilageDB 0
Maybe you need them if you want a grandmother like that?
ChickenInMyKitch 4
Sounds like my grandma...
lajaynay 15
58- not really. She's just always been that way so it does get kinda old after 18 years.
Maximus_Axiom 7
boss grandma, OP
eraintime 0
I wouldn't want to have a grandma like OPs. At all.
njgohard 16
It's opposite day, ladies and gents!
DCFan 9
Well in that case, cool comment.
missyj0 12
I want a grandma like that! Sure, it's embarrassing. But if he's a good guy he'll laugh it off.
goshpeople 4
Especially since she apparently only had good things to say, even if they were rather saltily phrased.
awesome446 0
your hot
aPieceOfFruit 16
@17 - Saltily Phrased. lol. Thats my sentence of the day....
cufaoil 11
It's to go with the tequila and lime she's obviously got stashed
whoa_is_failz 6
Your grandma is winning.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Yes! OP's grandma makes me think of Benny from George Lopez.. hah.
eminemchick 19
well u know, at least she likes himxD
AJRENO 0
Ha
Hammer940 7
Best grandma ever!
Halcyon3210 6
At least it was compliments instead of insults. . .
shybear15 0
Don't worry my grandma makes fun of mine... Right infront of him... All the time :P
lopez1222 3
Id would just go along with it.. Act like your whole family has turretts.
Halcyon3210 6
They have turrets?! At least they're prepared for an invading army. :p
Rickilynn1 10
Hey , our abs look the same !
marylovesyou8D 7
^ gayest comment ever lolol.
OceanProtection 0
tourrhets you tard... maybe you should crack open a dr. seuss book instead of 'getting swoll' and working on your 'washboard abs' :)
optimusrhyme69 1
Double tard, it's spelled tourettes...
Halcyon3210 6
And optimusrhyme69 (hey, that rhymes) wins! Congratulations!
shovels 0
Triple tard, it's spelt like this: torrents
ChickenInMyKitch 4
Quadruple tard? it's spelled like aikdkkrkldj
maz255 10
so then after my mother stopped beating me with the iron, she moved on and grabbed her comb (since mommy doesnt like her hair being messed up while she er-"handles" me) she straightened her hair then threw it at me at which point my nuts were in full view...it was a tough rest of the day...
Jdeluxh 12
You are weird.
therealjb99 7
Is tgat an earing?