Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
The Long Arm of the Law bends many ways.
xlord 27
Granny and grandpa are still rebels fighting 'the man.'
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Comments (59)
pistachiopanda 19
Well, does he make you feel like Rodney King in the bedroom?
Old_Iron_Sides 6
Ahahahaha!!! That sounds like an amazing reunion! Are you sure you weren't in the middle of a romantic comedy?
pinguino3669_fml 23
I can't imagine what your next encounter with your boyfriend and family will be like!
blondie107 20
At least they didn't ask for details. Or worse.. Give you "bedroom advice".
noelasis94 18
Boomin granny good and plenty.
tylermt1999 17
The south will rise again
grumpybr 13
Look at the bright side , your boyfriend wasn't present. That would make it a lot worse.
challan 19
Tell Grams that's tomorrow night. Tonight is a cavity search role play while covered in donut glaze.
TwinkleToes7 15
Haha that's cute :)!
Pokelad 12
*Gasp* How dare the police arrest someone for committing a crime!
Pokelad 12
on that note, why do criminals like to shove the blame on everyone else?
knotcool 15
I imagine it's their way of coping with the fact that they made the wrong choice, and got caught.
RedPillSucks 33
I don't think it was the arrest, but the fact that they beat the crap out of him when he wasn't resisting.