Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML
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Top comments
ZeroPath5 16
Gotta love those in-laws...
Wizardo 34
One by one OPs family were mysteriously struck down that night, no one knows who was responsible for the ninja like attacks but some say that the OPs tortured soul exacted revenge on all those who fell for the evil wench of an aunts tricks... and that concludes story time guys.
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Comments (80)
kman4evah 16
Should have said "If I was trying to then I already would have"
assassinbanana0 20
Woman hitler strikes again!
rfid_fml 13
Venture Bros reference?
assassinbanana0 20
No. I just knew that mother in law could also be spelled as woman hitler. :0
anniefml 1
Drama!!
caligirllife 11
Why would you show them off on a woman you idiot
MzZombicidal 36
Because she told him to?
TwinkleToes7 15
Wow... That's so messed up..
Setareh23 34
You need to decide whether you want to stay with a boy who clearly has no tolerance for others. He has no problems looking down at your family, so don't expect him to be so different towards you a few years down the road (about whatever subject, since you didn't mention whether you share your family's beliefs).
Zomg_Okay 27
<-- The BBQ FML is that way.
Setareh23 34
oops, sorry, wrong fml
gilliaga73 18
Rule #1 when seriously learning martial arts: you don't use them to "show off".
SmiffLah 13
I do sympathise with you OP, but it does seem that you might've been sucked in there!
rfid_fml 13
I'm willing to bet the OP's mother in law has pulled this kind of crap before, and if she has, he had it coming for being gullible enough to do it.