Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Something tells me that you aren't the chosen one...
Pentium_4 27
don't mind me as i use my special technique to click the YDI button
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Comments (133)
Sinamoi 18
Something tells me that you aren't the chosen one...
fymother 13
Your technique and control obviously fell short of observation skills when you tried to demonstrate a punch on someone walking by a huge mirror. (I know OP doesn't say window/mirror/etc, but it's funny)
RadikulRam 16
#46 #1's technique fell short or ops? IF you're talking to #1 you're not making sense. If you're talking to OP, you're thread jacking.
kooochris1995 14
53- he's talking to OP and 97.5% percent of people here thread jacks. No one really cares anymore.
COOL__Coal 12
Yeah I take it you are not a black belt.
blondebrunette11 4
Maybe this is the past Poo. From Kung Fu Panda.
gojira666 7
OP is tiny grasshopper
rubberduckie94 13
Nothing as profound as a choosen one. Sponge Bob just met Sandy.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
He's more like the chosen idiot
Driveshaft 5
Bwahaha! YDI
Meettitan 14
89.3% of statistics are made up on the spot.
GovernorGeneral 8
Should've punched her for real for all the good faking did.
new_Combray 4
That's what you got for showing off! YDI
hthelittleone 10
Yeah, I could understand miming moves on one of his friends, but a random girl? Well deserved.
MedKits 9
Not on. Behind.
fishereric 1
He deserves it twice. One for being stupid and one for sucking at karate.
lonkite101 14
I guess you need to work on your technique and control....
nictransitglory 4
I think he needs to work more on his blocking
zuzupetalsYO 11
I think he needs to work on not being in public as much.
BradTheBrony 19
#33 I don't know why, but your comment reminded me of TFS Abridged! Freeza: The difference between you and I is, YOU can punch a board, and it will break. I can punch a board and wipe out its entire race. Goku: But can you block? Freeza: ... I'm going to drown you. I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies!
Pentium_4 27
don't mind me as i use my special technique to click the YDI button
KBeatz 5
Excellent form on that left click young one! Soon to be sensei you are.
kamikrazy 6
Teach me your ways.
KBeatz 5
Yea, Miyagi is gonna have you painting fences again before you know it.
tHeDaRkNeSs006 10
Looks like OP will be "waxing off" for awhile.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
That's what Op gets for messing with Ranma chan.
onedayinamsterda 14
what I'd give to witness that scene ;)
tony1891 22
well at least she kicked you in the stomach and not in the nuts.
BunBunBabe 8
Right? Or stopped after one kick..
ASHLeigh_LOve 0
That is oh so very true. I know where I would have hit him!(:
rylove 0
Time to go back to your mothers basement and work more on your form.
Chad_the_Brony 0
In Australia, we don't have basements. Even if some houses here do, which there are, it's a very small percentage of them. I've owned a house with a basement yet.
therealslim 15
54's fact of the day
moonmonkeyman 6
55 you mean useless fact of the day
downtime 13
It needed to be said, whenever comments like that are made about Australians it does make the commenter look a little stupid.
hecallsmedarlin 7
54- okay, so you DON'T have basements.... But then again, you do? Hmm. "I've owned a house with a basement yet" --does that mean you have or haven't owned a house with a basement. I'm a little confused. Not just by whether or not you've owned a house with a basement, but by your whole comment overall. :/
downtime 13
They're basically saying basements are extremely uncommon. They are found more in businesses than homes, and honestly I've never seen or know of anyone who has one here. It's pretty straight forward.
HannahLouise96 13
You must refine your technique, young warrior.
hunterfisher98 8
Roundhouse to the gut! Owned!