Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ZeroPath5 16
Gotta love those in-laws...
Wizardo 34
One by one OPs family were mysteriously struck down that night, no one knows who was responsible for the ninja like attacks but some say that the OPs tortured soul exacted revenge on all those who fell for the evil wench of an aunts tricks... and that concludes story time guys.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (80)
ShakeDisPlace 10
Those damn mother in laws!
worldclassrager 41
I think your wife would have been a better idea...she wouldn't have made a joke like that...
dutch_girl13 20
We don't know whether or not OP is a boy or girl
Zomg_Okay 27
65 - Yeah, the "(man)" next to OP's username doesn't tell us anything. We may never know.
chuckcloninger 12
Aha! The undercover war is on!
KiddoKS 19
"FINISH HER!" mortal kombat style.
buckdharma 38
I feel the judges are biased in this match but I still have to give the 1st round to the champ. Next round tell her to throw a punch at your face and then let her deck you. You might be able to pull off a split decision with this strategy, but sorry op, my money is still on the champ.
Yellow_Fish79 11
lol. What a bitch
sparklyshiny 11
I hope everyone else realizes that she's evil soon enough
WildWonder808 14
Remember this when Christmas rolls around
colvindj 22
Evil can take many forms..
journeytotheend 16
I'm mutual on this one, you don't deserve it yet at the same time you should've excepted it