Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You're not smelling out-of-date dairy -- you're smelling shame.
Marcella1016 32
Maybe try tomato juice like they recommend for skunks. From my understanding, the hot water from the shower can make milk smell rancid so maybe you’re just making it worse. Cooler showers or tomato juice and let us know how it goes.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
You're not smelling out-of-date dairy -- you're smelling shame.
randybryant799 21
That doesn't even make sense.
zip2dwess 16
I think they meant dairy and not diary
Anon2000 12
Erm, I feel like you’re not showering properly lol
diraven 15
Switch to onions for a while so you'll smell like potato chip dip.
Marcella1016 32
Maybe try tomato juice like they recommend for skunks. From my understanding, the hot water from the shower can make milk smell rancid so maybe you’re just making it worse. Cooler showers or tomato juice and let us know how it goes.
Matthew Smith 13
I read ‘it’s been one week’ in the style of bare naked ladies
CraftingQueen8675309 3
LMAO next time just use edible body paints