Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML
Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML
Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML
Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML
Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML
Today, I realized my cat has a foot fetish. She keeps randomly flopping over on my feet while I'm walking, and will lick my toes if I am barefooted. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Even my other cat looks at her like she's gone insane. FML
Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tacos_are_good 8
How could you not notice that? o.o
Demonfish 14
Hey, you should be thanking your cat, he's been dutifully carrying out selfless acts of pest control, just for you. Your cat is a real hero, you know..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
hnz 13
Buy a new bed and get your cat check up for infestation of ants in the body at the vet.
lambda_fml 40
Now reward that pussy.
Posthuman 26
Yes, good pussy, you like it when I stroke you like that, huh?
mjacv2 5
^^ too much dude!
SApprentice 34
It is totally disgusting that you didn't realize your bed has become ant infested. You should be washing your sheets once a week, or bi-weekly. And don't let your cat eat any more ants- they like the bitter taste, but many ants are covered in pesticides, and if your cat eats enough of them he can become ill. ... Seriously, wash your freaking sheets. They become a field of bacteria and death if you leave them there too long. You spend a third of your life in bed. Bedding becomes covered in all your dead skin cells, millions of dust mites, dead dust mites and their waste, all of your sweat and oil and other fluids, any food that you've been bringing to bed, molds that build up in the fibers, and as you've discovered, have the potential for insect infestation. You're going to make yourself sick, OP.
Demonfish 14
I have a hunch that the ants would be more likely to take up residence in the mattress, and that you are reading a little too much into the FML, good sir..
SApprentice 34
18- The FML clearly states that the cat was licking the ants off of the bed covers, not the mattress. Therefore, good sir, your argument is invalid. Also, I am not a 'sir'.
ccoverup 5
Actually its totally possible for the ants to be living on the mattress even if an ant was found on the covers so his argument isnt really invalid. Youre right that is disgusting as hell though
Demonfish 14
20- yes the FML states that there was an ant walking on the covers, I know, but if you put your mind to it, there really is no way that an ant colony is going to establish itself and go unnoticed for several weeks, hiding in a couple of square metres of thin fabric, that will get shifted about every few hours, it's just too damn unstable. The mattress however, is big, thick and has plenty of cavities and whatnot, and it's pretty stable too. Also, it would be pretty easy for any small animal to go unnoticed, hiding out among the springs and foam (or whatever stuffing just so happens to be in there). And as for the whole "sir" thing, this is the internet, such details as gender seem quite redundant when people are communing for arguments sake in an 'ethereal form'.
ballpython 15
@16 heh, you said "bi".
AH1Zviper 15
50- you're 37 and you think that's funny?
oomph_fml 25
Your cat is a very lovely pet, dude. Helping you with your pest problems and all. Though I'm still quite puzzled as to how you didn't notice them. I find it hard not to notice when even a few ants make their way into my room..
VeganVampyre 27
Well, I had a few ants crawling across my covers the other day and I didn't notice until one crawled up my leg because my blanket is black and they blended in. Also, I have a retarded cat who frequently licks things like my blankets (or shirts, or the floor, or the couch, etc) for no apparent reason. This leads me to believe that if I had an ant infestation in my bed and my cat was eating them off the covers, I would probably not notice until an ant actually crawled onto my body. Possibly OP has dark blankets and a weird cat like mine, and that's why they didn't notice right away?
hama806 19
Time to wash the sheets maybe?
RougeRamirez 8
Your next adoption choice: Anteater!!
brand0n93 5
nice pussy
louiserosen 4
Good Guy Cat
alliem199521 10
How did u not notice that?
SosaBoyTellem 6
Well just be happy your not allergic to them like me OP!