Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML
Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML
Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML
Today, my cat is extremely sick and has trouble grooming himself. As evidenced by his butt. He laid on me for a while and it wasn't until a few minutes after he got off that I realized he had stained my pants. That also explains why my chair suddenly looks so nasty, and why my room smells horrible. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours, one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell, and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done, I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML
Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap… where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
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Top comments
lettertjes 0
eew. And then you took your pants to the drycleaner and all was well again.
purplemnm 9
cats are evil. 'nuff said.
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Comments (85)
DamnedSeraph 0
This is a great post. Can we have some real ones now?
lizh_fml 9
it can be a nasty thing that your pet dislikes you, there's no reason to be so negative
eastside09 0
haha tht sux well my opion would be get rid of it
Brinty 4
:/ No kidding,t his happened. She's really fluffy so I gues sthe poop got stuck in her butt-fur. Smelt way bad.
tweetbaby14 18
lol that's great! yay kitty
Animalover 0
um it's probably not fake I've had that happen b 4
AndreaHaha 0
Ew see that's why I hate cats yuckk you should go look for a dog there the best. (:
boomerfeb13 0
ydi for having a cat. dogs are the best. why would you have a anti social pet anyways dosent that kinda defeat the purpose?
sublimaze 6
further proof that the only good cat is a dead cat
relyo 0
My dog may be stupid, but he's never wiped his ass on me. YDI
Felendris 0
it'd be kinda weird if you were first on your own FML o.o. I'd /applaud.
wertan10 0
give the cat to anold lady.
kaileebug 0
I agree with #7 but that's basically becase cats are one of my biggest fears.
ReyEr9412 0
Dogs FTW
the_boo 0
^^ win, YDI for having a cat... "Cats are da Debil Bobby Bouchee"
beccaishereyay 11
"Today, I was at the pound and this little loving girl asks her mom if she can have me. her mom says yes and that they'll cone back tomorrow. I was really excited until this fat lonely middle aged woman took one look at me and adopted me right on the spot. I'm now going to make this bitches life hell. FML"
succubusprime 0
Not funny, please try again.
beccaishereyay 11
"Today an ugly fat bitch told me I was funny. FML"
xoconnie 8
cry about it bitch!
smellyoldlady 0
kick it in the face
smellyoldlady 0
or piss on its head
fourty2sharks 0
actually it means that the cat has claimed the OP as her property
Austino713 0
Did ya kick cat across room??
Ninjasaurus18 9
So animal abuse is ok to you? Disgusting bastard...
LynxieLynx 17
my cousin used to have such a friendly cat until she ran away and got hit by a car. She then got replaced by a persian cat who doesn't get near us and hides away the whole day, according to my cousin. Good luck with your cat, op.
lettertjes 0
eew. And then you took your pants to the drycleaner and all was well again.
Peroxide 3
and on my way to return the pants I slipped and fell in some mud, ruining the very pants I was returning.
metalhead256 0
this is fake get a life honestly
cooluc 0
love the Seinfeld reference 13
Laurendorcus 0
Wow...your "new" cat needs to become your "old" cat. Replacement time!
afatmonkey 0
Speaking of replacements, I once tried to sell my dog to this stranger I met at Walmart. He said he'd buy it, and I was pretty happy. However, this changed when caught on fire and got hit by a bus. I never have been a good salesman.
cocofran820 6
Omg^^
natsaysheyyy 16
@3: I hate when people think it's just totally cool to drop animals off at the shelter like it casual and okay. If you commit to having a pet, you need to take responsibility and accept that there will be bad with the good. Only someone selfish and immature would take a pet to the pound over just this one incident. @37: Lol, you're a complete idiot. I hope you really did catch on fire.
LtHoward 0
I suggest getting rid of the cat, that's just sick. I hope your cat is not like that all the time.
LtHoward 0
Lol! Yeah I know cats poop, but really, rubbing it on your masters leg doesn't sound "clever" to me. I'm not a big fan of cats though, so I would simply not have one to begin with. I would find that funny though if I saw it happen to someone haha
okieraider71 4
You tell 'em #1. Anyone who owns animals is used to cleaning up messes!
sophiexo 0
It is real, it's hilarious. For some reason as soon as I read it, probably the way it was worded, I knew it was Australian, it's v. comforting haha.
brii_g 0
how could u tell a post on fml is Aussie? I'm Aussie and there r no words that scream out 'this post is Aussie!!!'
Resquall 0
Except perhaps the usage of the word "Aussie."
stariee1997 16
You know, except for the part at the top that says [New South Wales, Australia].
prettyinpunk1025 14
haha that stinks... literally
Giorgio272 2
I say drown the cat. quick and painless. on your part at least. plus nothing against being a bitch to a bitchy cat.
bunny911 16
Actually, drowning is one of THE most painful ways to die.
metrockick10 0
And you know this because you have drowned?
applesmoothiee 2
Meh. Get used to it :P But still, your cat was rubbing on your lge. Thats a sign of affection, it's not like she knew that there was poop on her butt...
aRm95 0
get a dog.