Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year-old man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I went out for drinks with two 18 year-old girls and a 30 year-old woman. I'm 53, and wanted to hook up with the 30 year-old. She got drunk after an hour and went home in a taxi, meanwhile the two 18 year-olds drank me under the table. I'm sat with them trying to sober up so I can walk home. FML
Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML
Today, I'm a 20 year-old guy, and my 52 year-old mom has aged really well and looks around the same age as me. Meanwhile, I'm aging poorly and fear that I may soon look as old as she actually is. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
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Top comments
dantheman1988 0
i think you need to get your priorities straightened out. getting drunk and partying all the time is for immature people who will never live up to their full potential. go to college, study hard, and do something positive with your life besides worrying that your drunk mother is cooler than you. shes not.
DocBastard 40
Yes, because drinking to the point of unconscious vomiting makes you a cool party animal. I'm so glad you have such a respectable role model.
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Comments (153)
MuffyStJacques 0
I didn't know vomiting was your way of partying.
kyanisaurus 0
from the sounds of it, your mom's single. at 53 and single I'm guessing she's more drinking her midlife crisis away than anything. hardly a role model you should be jealous of. at 22 you should just study/work, exercise, party/drink socially, plan for the future and you'll be fine.
Bekll 31
So what OP? I'm 23 and am not a "party animal". Parties are overrated anyway.
kkutting 2
+ I don't think a person needs to intoxicated with an obscene amount of alcohol in order to have fun. that only makes me think that you must REALLY suck when you're sober. I agree with your comment above :) however, socially drinking is always pleasant. sadly, not many know how to do so.
Bekll 31
Among my friends I'm the sober one. My friends get scary drunk... violent mood swings and throwing up on the bed. Not something I want to be a part of.
InsaneGenius 0
Nothing wrong with that! Congratulate yourself for not being like that
testthecoal 5
explains your name
tiffyt 0
oh poor baby lol
jenaandtyler4eva 0
well start smoking and drinking and you will be good to go if you think that will make you cool
lmaoatall 6
I heard people are soaking tampons in liqour and shoveing it up their butts. what if they loose the string? who would help evacuate their bowels? I ask you because you seem to be the expert in this subject .
xrainbowshadowx 17
You sir, need to have fun.
mintcar 10
There's nothing wrong with not being a party animal. YDI for thinking that there is.