Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year-old man. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I went out for drinks with two 18 year-old girls and a 30 year-old woman. I'm 53, and wanted to hook up with the 30 year-old. She got drunk after an hour and went home in a taxi, meanwhile the two 18 year-olds drank me under the table. I'm sat with them trying to sober up so I can walk home. FML
Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML
Today, I'm a 20 year-old guy, and my 52 year-old mom has aged really well and looks around the same age as me. Meanwhile, I'm aging poorly and fear that I may soon look as old as she actually is. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
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Top comments
dantheman1988 0
i think you need to get your priorities straightened out. getting drunk and partying all the time is for immature people who will never live up to their full potential. go to college, study hard, and do something positive with your life besides worrying that your drunk mother is cooler than you. shes not.
DocBastard 40
Yes, because drinking to the point of unconscious vomiting makes you a cool party animal. I'm so glad you have such a respectable role model.
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Comments (153)
chosha_fml 27
Count yourself lucky. At 53, that just makes her sound like an immature loser.
nessaface25 14
there is nothing wrong with not being a 'party animal'. why would you want to end up super drunk with no recollection of what you did?
7th_fml 3
Go buy some alcohol for some high school kids, get drunk with them, have unprotected sex with an underage girl (or guy), get her pregnant, then go get in a car accident killing a couple, leaving their two year old to live with shitty foster parents and ultimately commit suicide at the age of 15 along with the child you never knew you had from that night. But, on the bright side, you'll have, or have had a social life, and be one of the cool kids. On the other hand, you don't have to be an alcoholic, for your life to not suck, that's just an excuse.
runninbrotha 0
thats a very good/harsh way to put it :P
choirnerd1808 0
ha ha this literally just happened to me....well still happening. this is gonna be a swell night.
sarahemilyjane 0
I think that's a good thing, who needs to vomit their alcohol up in an incapacitated mess to have a good time. f ur mums life
bignasty29 0
Don't Feel bad. If this is a common occurrence u probably don't Have time party. Cause u Have to look after drinky crow!
sweetangelgal 3
wow
Blondiebee88 0
my mother is the same and I've thought the same exact thing before.
klong91 7
You're better off if you were drunk all the time people would resent you.
thecovert 7
She is an idiot. You should go live your own life.