Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year-old man. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I went out for drinks with two 18 year-old girls and a 30 year-old woman. I'm 53, and wanted to hook up with the 30 year-old. She got drunk after an hour and went home in a taxi, meanwhile the two 18 year-olds drank me under the table. I'm sat with them trying to sober up so I can walk home. FML
Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML
Today, I'm a 20 year-old guy, and my 52 year-old mom has aged really well and looks around the same age as me. Meanwhile, I'm aging poorly and fear that I may soon look as old as she actually is. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
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Top comments
dantheman1988 0
i think you need to get your priorities straightened out. getting drunk and partying all the time is for immature people who will never live up to their full potential. go to college, study hard, and do something positive with your life besides worrying that your drunk mother is cooler than you. shes not.
DocBastard 40
Yes, because drinking to the point of unconscious vomiting makes you a cool party animal. I'm so glad you have such a respectable role model.
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Comments (153)
ILoveEggnog 7
I'm just trying to get in.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Are you being serious 81?
Calyx_fml 22
She's not a party animal, she's a drug addict.
plagueofsilence 0
were does ur mom go to party. sounds like she had a night i like to call "mission accomplished". me and her need to drink!!!!
djames66 0
Dude, you're 22! Get your mom into AA and set some standards for yourself! I gave up drinking 2 and a half years ago due to watching my dad and my younger brother drink themselves into endless arguments and, eventually, fist fights and wrestling. I severed communication with them for that length of time until my brother came back to reality and started talking with me again. yes, he does AA once a week.
sashakay 0
You are a better person than most. That's more fulfilling than running around acting immature.
xMRxLAMAx 0
What's wrong with that? That just means you're not a stupid drunk?
mawang_sky 1
u will be better than ur mom
NYBellz 0
you should party with her than n vomit on eachother
CheeyRae 0
Thats not a bad thing to be a big partier as your mom . Haha JK , sorry bro , but that's kinda sad ! LOLOLOL ! :)