Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my phone rang with an unknown number. I answered in my professional “customer service” voice: “Hello, this is Sarah, how may I help you?” It was my mom, who immediately said, “Why are you talking like a robot? Did you get fired again?” I was on speakerphone at the grocery store checkout. FML
Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with four departments at my college due to a mistake on my tuition bill. The last guy I talked to told me to call the financial aid office and hung up before I could respond. That was the first office I called. FML
Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML
Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML
Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML
Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were in the middle of having his wake. FML
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Top comments
John Nemeth 14
*school* “Oh perfect we wanted a place to put your grades to rest. We figured the ground was the lowest we could go”
BurnInDemonFire 39
Look at that. Your college taught you a lesson even when you weren't attending. Big ol' YDI comin' atcha.
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Comments (19)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Look at that. Your college taught you a lesson even when you weren't attending. Big ol' YDI comin' atcha.
John Nemeth 14
*school* “Oh perfect we wanted a place to put your grades to rest. We figured the ground was the lowest we could go”
Dave_Davington 34
Relax. Not everyone has a massive stick up their arse. I'm sure whoever called realises it's a joke and found it as mildly amusing as we all did. If not, then it's more **** their life for having so much sand in their ******.
RichardPencil 32
I hope you’re not majoring in Comedy. That joke is so old and stale, they would have lowered your grade on the spot. You should have gone with “You kill ‘em, we chill ‘em.”
ChromoTec 24
Is Comedy even a real major?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Yes. Major Arnold Comedy was born in 1889, and fought in the British Army during World War One. He is famous for reaching the rank of Major faster than anyone, achieving the distinction on March 13, 1915. He went on to marry Countess Emilia Rose in 1920, and had three children, Michael, Jane, and Suzanne. He died in 1966, leaving his family the small fortune of £4.8 million, after having donated £200k to many different charities.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
He was good friends with Major Thomas Tragedy. But he came to a bad ending.
DanielleinDC 34
Seriously? That joke was old when I was a kid.
sunshine1421 14
and yet still gets the desired response
Emma1562 35
My dad did that to my phone and it turned out to be my choir teacher. He answered it as “bitches anonymous, how may I help you?” She just awkwardly laughed and said who it was.
Glowworm56 27
It's better to either not answer the phone at all or answer it like a mature and proper adult for unknown numbers.
GIJoefan 6
Reminds me of Bart Simpson: “Joe’s Crematorium, you kill em we grill em!” “Joe’s Taxidermy, you snuff em we stuff em!”
Charlie Given 28
It's a classic, when I was a kid our home phone number was 1 number different from local post office and the city morgue for yrs. we'd get wrong number calls and thanks to when caller ID came out I could tell if it was a local call for post office or a municipal call for the morgue and I would always answer with this is the post office for the city or morgue for the locals always got a laugh.