Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML
Today, my husband once again thought it would be funny to rage-bait our child during dinner. There was screaming, food being thrown around, and a whole lot of running around instead of eating. I already had a headache and was already overstimulated, so I had to fend off a meltdown. All this over chicken burgers. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML
Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML
Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML
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Top comments
augiedd 12
Any little victory helps
Welshite 40
Don't listen to the lies they feed you. Ketchup is a vegetable and mustard is a fruit!
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Comments (122)
augiedd 12
Any little victory helps
iBanana 17
You can never win an argument with a woman. Ever.
Zelphoric 25
Now where can I buy a ketchup tree?? I want one in my backyard immediately!
the_truth_lives 9
No Patrick horseradish isn't an instrument either.
Shade1982 21
@37: That would make it a fruit technically :p.
BMTHsuperfan 18
technically ketchup is a fruit paste then?
jonfrenzy 10
But ketchup is tomato and tomato is vegetable
Karfrin123 10
Tomatoes are fruits, they have seeds inside
DarkJediLove 19
Enjoy the little things OP!
thefastnfuryass 14
It's another win for the all powerful veggies!
Welshite 40
Don't listen to the lies they feed you. Ketchup is a vegetable and mustard is a fruit!
PIGaming 21
It all makes sense now...
smokecloud_ 37
No way! Ketchup is a fruit!!
Zelphoric 25
You fools! Ketchup is a fungi!
lengi123 18
WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE LEARN?! KETCHUP IS A PROTIST!
xSphinx 18
but what is mustard anyways?
False_Stupidity 42
Ketchup is a lie!
Likian5 26
If tomatoes are a fruit, that makes ketchup a smoothie
jonfrenzy 10
You need to ketchup a little
breeaannuuhh 14
Well, tomatoes are a fruit, so doesn't that make ketchup a smoothie?
VinnyV 3
where does mustard come from???
dannnngthatsux 19
you like vinegar in your smoothies?
aquapearl736 16
Actually, mustard is dairy and ketchup comes from paper byproducts. I can confirm this as I am a nutritionist with a PHD in Dietary Science.
beaglegal 42
It's not?!
ABillOnFire 15
I don't know what to believe anymore...
Ki11erC 18
Can't tell if trolling or serious...
nikkipettyfer 24
Satisfaction at its best
skate2125 4
Mustards a fruit then right??
thespiantess 18
Since tomatoes are now considered fruit, I guess ketchup would be fruit juice.
Dojan 16
Botanically tomatoes have always been fruits...
Nyarlothatep 12
Actually, I think it'd be closer to a smoothie...
SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10
This makes me cringe for some reason.
IloveToLaugh143 21
No, not a smoothie. More like tomato jelly or jam.
HerWrongHole247 18
rice and green peppers are also fruit too
sunshineb81 16
Yeah, ketchup and fries. An all veggie meal. Must be healthy, right? Lol.
LatvianPride 16
I eat fries with ketchup. And fries are from potatoes, ketchup is from tomatoes. So technically I am eating potatoes and tomatoes..
arandomusernameaa 20
And CELERY!!! (ketchup has celery in it)
AngelSpit 18
No, not technically. You ARE eating potatoes and tomatoes. (just because a steak is cut out of the cow doesn't mean I'm not eating beef)
singer0421 32
Ketchup may not be a vegetable but is mayonnaise an instrument?
name_loading 19
No, Patrick.
warsun 27
What about horseradish?
name_loading 19
Horseradish is not an instrument either.
_G0D_ 9
Yes it is.