Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML
Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML
Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML
Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML
Today, I have spent the last two hours at work looking for the gas pump model of a different gas station than the one I usually go to, only because I don’t want to be embarrassed if I don't know how to use it. All thanks to my crippling anxiety. FML
Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML
Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML
Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML
Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML
Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML
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Top comments
JandTaco 13
But didn't it feel great?
Zelphoric 25
Whoa buddy, calm down :p
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Comments (91)
JandTaco 13
But didn't it feel great?
thefastnfuryass 14
What rhymes with PUMPing gas? HUMPing.. gas...? No? Let it go? Ok.
Scotticus117 11
More like. "Humping ass" lol
pureaphrodisiac 4
no
Zelphoric 25
Whoa buddy, calm down :p
anchorsaweigh003 13
it was simply, one hell of a pump
Enslaved 38
Speaking about buddy-- I have that "Gas buddy" app. I no longer waste gas and time driving all over town looking for the bigger bargain. Prices are all listed by zip codes.
TheComedyAudio 29
Sorry op, just takes time to find that special someone. Hope it gets better!
Welshite 40
Yes, like a gas can. I want to be in the wedding!
dawnimus 21
He calls himself long distance guy, so it's probably just been a while, rather than not having met the right person.
thecalvin123 21
It's okay man, gas stations turn me on all the time.
Pleonasm 36
That gas guzzling hummer being filled to the brim with liquid petroleum by that deep pumping action... Enough to rev anyone's engines.
RedPillSucks 33
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar Such a thrill when your radials squeal
spn_and_tw 4
You turn gas stations on, too.
BootheGhost 6
It turns the car on too, just don't let it go too fast though or it'll blow its engine and that's a tough mess to clean up.
viva_la_blondes 15
An erection is like the theory of relativity. The more you think about it, the harder it gets.
thatisaWIN 5
I always thought of erections as happiness antennas :D.
17nate 9
Actually, Relativity is pretty simple, if you don't look at the math behind it. String Theory, however, is another story, entirely.
PossiblyInDanger 24
There are worse things to get turned on by. And spontaneous erections are quite common, especially if you're young.
ryan4723 24
Wait, your telling me that's not normal??? D:
mcrepas 19
Seems perfectly normal...
BadApple88 29
Nowadays cheap gas prices turn me on too lol
Jessj958 19
Agreed!! It's ridiculous how much it costs. I get happy when the gas stations across from each other compete, and one is always 1 cent cheaper lol.
kingdomgirl94 29
In Canada, a ten cent price drop is astounding and boner worthy because we pay around 1.20 CAN a litre. That's 4.60/galleon American.
RedPillSucks 33
My new catch phrase "that there is 'boner worthy' "
Sunflower1919 19
#39 in the UK we pay around £1.30 a litre. Google tells me that's $8.24 a gallon
arandomusernameaa 20
When you think about it petrol is actually quite cheap considering it is drilled from the middle of the ocean, the petrol is separated and then shipped to your pump all for £1.30...
91hayek 31
For me its when they give me an extra cookie at subway. It used to be that a hot girl used to serve every time I went in at lunch, and as a regular she got to know me. Then all of a sudden my friend turned up there as 'trainee' and has been serving me ever since. The erection never went away. I think I've been pavloved.
kingdomgirl94 29
Or your friend is hot.
Uglyfeet 23
Well, then gas prices in Brazil have the same erection-effect as a fat, old man giving you a lap dance wearing a thong... so sad
Welshite 40
Set up a romantic dinner with the gas pump with gently glowing candles. Your love life will become fiery.
thatnucca 36
Boom!