Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML
Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML
Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML
Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kickazz16 15
That was rude.
thebeautybleeds 17
Why would you even say that?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (369)
csosa187 1
You deserved it for being such a creeper.
tommyfox 19
I don't think "creeper" accurately describes him.
jbsington 8
ssssssss...
SystemofaBlink41 27
He should take out the lump of coal that's up his ass...
nailpolishCF 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
y wuld u say tht? wuld u want YOUR daughtr 2 b babysat by some1 who says crap like tht?
brown4lifejot 1
i dnt get wt ur syin
upyourzlolz 11
Wait until DocBastard reads this...
MyPetNinja 14
Please learn how to spell... I'm not a grammar nazi, but seriously, this is ridiculous.
upyourzlolz 11
Are you sure? That last comment it translated was pretty mind boggling. I'll be damned if Doc's translator fails us.
taptaptapity 2
I wouldn't want my daughter to be babysat by someone who speaks like that OR who types like you!
zombicidal 11
ever wonder what powers that great machine?
nailpolishCF 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I am sorry if this confuses you. I am on moblie so it is instinctive to speak in text terms. I am not stupid, just because I use text terms. Here it is for all you grammar nazi annoying people: "Why would you say that? Would you really want YOUR daughter to be babysat by someone who says crap like that?" THERE!! Gosh! Again, I am not stupid. I just speak my mind, and it takes waay to long to type. So, if you are going to insult me, please don't bother.
upyourzlolz 11
What the? WHY DO YOU HAVE DOC's MACHINE?
Meowingtons500 18
Nailpolishcf- I think your "crap" is just as bad as "tht" of OPs. :S
DJJuantioFresh 0
Please lads don't feed the trolls
nailpolishCF 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow!! The island can comprehend as well as critique one's writing? I typed that comment out on a computer, along with this one. I AM SORRY I DO NOT PERFECT MY POSTINGS. IF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY COMMENT(S) cry yourself a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT. Seriously. I'm just here for the lolz! Can I just say, though, if you all focused your grammar nazi ways elsewhere, you would all make a excellent writing teachers! :)
Meowingtons500 18
Nice capitalization skills. O_o
mommabear0823 12
Nailpolishcf I am always on here on mobile and I can type out full words. Laziness, that is why grammar and spelling is so bad these days. It's pathetic. No need to get worked up about it.
bananagrams 9
137- you also didn't need to put "a" between "make" and "excellent". It's incorrect.
DocBastard 40
Nailpolishcf, I applaud your efforts at explaining your comment, but you seem to have missed reading the Commenting Policy which expressly forbids TXT jargon here. Try to refrain from looking foolish, and people won't call you out on it.
Free_Candy 0
Is it wrong not to understand any of this?
ohmandapants 17
I think I had a seizure while reading that comment. If anyone ever texts me spelling like that I will hunt them down and smash their fingers so that they can't text anymore.
RomanBeauty 0
...make *an* excellent writing... And even with that correction, that is just a sentence fragment. Short cuts with typing just make you look unintelligent, and others annoyed. Show the world you can spell the first time around :)
RomanBeauty 0
I definitely thought that was a husky dog in your picture- crazy!
LegalyWhite 7
If you guys could read his comm then why is it such a big deal jeez
ohmandapants 17
^ read Doc's comment.
jbsington 8
Doc did it the classy way. I applaud you.
cutieepie101 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That is one of the most snide comments I have ever heard. How very unprofessional. Yet at the same time, how wonderfully witty...O.o
taptaptapity 2
Witty? I think you might be slightly confused on what wit is!
murdersquirrel 15
14 - You misspelled cocky.
Urbanchiller 0
Unprofessional, from both parties.
xcarxcrashx 9
Or the dad was just joking. You know cause it was in a recent commercial? I would have told op they would never work for me again.
coltsrock37 15
Wow being a babysitter is a service to others so they get the night off. You're the one being a **** about it. Good luck if they ever use you again.
FYLDeep 26
Not only that, but babysitters often rely on word-of-mouth to get work.
xcarxcrashx 9
Wow hope you have fun never sitting for them again.
ohmandapants 17
Or for any clients they might know
Muslimgal92 0
You're so Rude I hope you choke on a ****!
brown4lifejot 1
The begining sortof sounded like the starter of a yo mama joke.
awesomelikethat 0
Why? Maybe he was just trying to be funny
ahiddengoddess 9
Your a jerk I hope no one hires you again.
upyourzlolz 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I can't even understand this FML.
white16sox 19
OP was asked if he could be paid in Trident Layers. He said he'd rather watch the fathers gran inhale a ****. Then he said "If scowls could kill," meaning the dude scowled at him and OP would be dead if scowls could kill. Understand?
himoonkey 8
I don't think he does...