Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my brother has been stealing money from me for the past five months. FML
Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML
Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML
Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3 a.m., screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML
Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML
Today, I was babysitting my younger brother while my parents were away. I turned my back on my brother for one minute and then I heard a huge crash from their room. He had somehow destroyed a family heirloom and 200 year-old clock. FML
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Top comments
pratikp03 22
rob him back
WCARlover 35
Well how is he getting in? Always keep your door and windows locked...that's awful you can't trust your own brother :(
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Comments (74)
pratikp03 22
rob him back
insideoutoreo33 8
Hate how the top comment is always something about seeking revenge. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind. Sad.
TH_Insomniak 15
an eye for an eye, but I don't need to see.
ZeusBeDubsteppin 24
#41 hollywood undead?
TH_Insomniak 15
heck yes
psychopolarbear 28
This is why you poke out both eyes the first time so they can't effectively retaliate.
tantanpanda 26
#36, then don't take the eye in the first place.
JICor 7
#36 I'm an atheist, all the revenge in the world for me!
Cassandra2015 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
he's just as guilty for stealing your food as you are for calling in sick because of a missed alarm . better late than not showing up for your shift
nemisis11 12
How does stealing someone's food the same as calling in sick? Sick days exist for a reason, and they're limited, use them how you wish. Now if he went to his coworkers house while they were at work and stole their food, I could see how it's "just as bad".
Pat5519 14
#2... wow.. just wow...
ProfessorMctitie 20
Getting robbed and calling in for one day are two different things...
littleking94 14
-24, you get the drift? you're wrong
Hunkapoo 19
lying is wrong, but I don't think it constitutes a more serious punishment like being robbed.
lexa1love 16
At my job being late is penalized the same as a call off. So ya if I will be late I would rather just call off completely.
EpicJackman 12
To be fair, OP could have been sick, but he worded his sentence oddly because of the character limit. But he most likely faked being sick.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#49 did you read the same FML as the rest of us? Because it clearly says op missed their alarm and called in sick. It didn't say they were sick or anything of the nature.
SnowxSakura 17
Even if he's family you should still report him to the authorities if he refuses to return your property.
allforfun 23
Agreed!
littleking94 14
the cops, really.. just kick his ass
wchil 14
idk if I want food someone has stolen....it might come back in crappy condition
HWICUNow 10
is food really property? more like a rental.
leogachi 15
Who are you renting it from?
HWICUNow 10
I don't know. the foodlord?
MikaykayUnicorn 36
OP never says it's food though. The brother could have been stealing utensils, pots, pans, or anything important OP had in their kitchen, although everyone is probably assuming he was stealing food.
WCARlover 35
Well how is he getting in? Always keep your door and windows locked...that's awful you can't trust your own brother :(
katydid91 31
Maybe he has a spare key for emergencies?
emissy 14
You should report him
Isandri 29
If he has the key, then it is not a break-in, and as it comes to the robbery - i think the sum is not high enough for police to take it seriously.. At least in Poland, when the worth of goods is not higher than 70$, they won't do shit to the criminal, just give an oral warning.. Time to change your locks OP :(
Altafjhetam11 6
Ah family! Blood is thicker than water, but water tastes better!
False_Stupidity 42
Not according to count Dracula!
random_man1999 11
Are you crazy blood is delicious
TheRugMan 17
I bet you're hungry for revenge
aruden 25
If he has a key take it back, because he is family give him the option to return it or you will report it to the police. If he gets in trouble it's ultimately his fault.
imhidden 16
Lock your doors
SuperMew 22
Change your locks and install a nanny cam. Then get proof he is stealing. Take it to the police and small claims court