Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML
Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML
Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML
Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Your name is hilarious.
IOmnomHard 10
Imagine if you choked on it in your sleep and died...The police report would be something to see.
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Comments (111)
Dracoboxer357 36
Well Op, you have a few options: 1) Ignore her. Hopefully she'll grow bored with the stunts. May be the best choice. 2) Retaliate! One up her and do the same back....with a *****. Don't forget to take pictures.....just don't Ever sleep again after that. 3) Move. If you can't stand the bullshit, stop sticking around to take it. 4) Kill her! Actually, don't. You may not like your next roommate at the crowbar hotel any more than your current one now. Hope that helped, Op! Best of luck! ;P
Myo_fml 20
There should be the option of putting a USED tampon in the roommate's mouth versus a dry one.
Dracoboxer357 36
78- Doing that would go back to option 2) Don't Ever Sleep Again, if you value not Really suffering a very big personal violation. ;P The roommate is sticking tampons in OP's mouth, for nothing. Imagine what she Might do after something like That. Op might very well wake up tied to her bed naked with a live webcam feed broadcasting her reaction as the roommate tickles her feet and uses cloths pins on her nipples. Crazy seldom has it limits. Ponder that, and be very afraid. ;)
karmaababyy 5
You should return the favor and see how they like it.
wildsweetchild 19
Maybe your roommate just trying to help you with your drooling. ;)
2RaRa25 6
wow, that would old very fast. If you have your own room in the place, lock your door/get a new lock on your door. If you share the room--I have no advice cause I'd probably just leave that altogether.
xgirlofglassx 4
How does something 'old'? I'm assuming you meant get old. :p
20PercentCooler 8
You must have been speechless... :P
mzrobinson 13
Uhhhm, lock your door then. Duh.
Myo_fml 20
Most dorms are one room, two beds. There is no locking of doors and no privacy.
GlobalGenocide 8
Used or unused, that is the question. Hope for your sake unused. If they are used perhaps she's a twilight fan and just thinks she's feeding you.
howrudoin 11
On this episode of pranked...
dasgaytaco 1
Enough with the period jokes! I'm bloody serious.
neonglostix 28
At least it wasn't in your ass. Let me guess. You woke up with cotton mouth? Ba dum ba chhhh!