Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML
Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML
Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML
Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Your name is hilarious.
IOmnomHard 10
Imagine if you choked on it in your sleep and died...The police report would be something to see.
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Comments (111)
perdix 31
Sleep in a "Silence of the Lambs" leather mask. It'll keep your mouth tampon-free and creep the **** out of your roommate!
RedPillSucks 33
or he may get ideas, and you wake up bound in leather, with a ball gag over your mouth and chaps on and a sore butt.
BrotherTheo 31
Upping the stakes is a horrid idea IMHO. It could rapidly spiral to places you really really don't want to go. It looks like it's time for Serious Sit Down talking with, not a stoop to their level type thing. By Playing in their field you show that you are in fact, willing to play their game, and you DO NOT want to do that. Sit down with them and tell them, this shit stops now, or they Get The **** Out.
DontWalkAway 8
Was it used?
Kronik_Swag 4
Hey, at least it wasn't a used tampon!
RockinRoyaltyxD 13
He's an ass, I mean you can choke in it while sleeping. Tell him to back the eff off cause that may be dangerous.
zombiekitten87 12
Somebody's a douche. Mix a little hot sauce into her summer's eve.
noisebox 1
Did you have dreams that you a new job at the fish market?
FireFlie07 20
Don't you have an RA that can take care of that?
klovely22 13
I fell asleep at a sleepover once, my "friends" put deodorant in both my ears. It took days to get it all out. THAT should be your revenge. (:
COswald27 2
Well just be thankful it's not a used tampon...