Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML
Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML
Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML
Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Your name is hilarious.
IOmnomHard 10
Imagine if you choked on it in your sleep and died...The police report would be something to see.
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Comments (111)
wpolo02 7
Do what my best friend and I did to get revenge on a terrible roommate, leave bodily fluids in condiments. They never find out, and u have a funny story to tell for the rest of your life.
captain__jj 5
1. It's not really revenge if they never find out. Sure, you might feel a little better about what they did knowing that you got them back, but it's not getting them back if they have no idea you did it. 2. That's ******* disgusting. I don't care how awful this person was to you, unless they put bodily fluids in YOUR food, they do not deserve that.
junkman6 22
In other news this FML poster is related to the guy who slept through everything in the house being stolen.
Areyuhkiddingme 8
At least it wasn't used.
senbonzakura90 3
My room-mate always manages to draw a penis on my leg 4th penis this week counting the one today
iceman420son 7
Well at least the week is almost over
meikola 6
Please tell me it wasn't a used one. Eww
Ugi 27
This sort of thing would never happen if you only thought to sleep in a welding mask! Some people just won't take the simple, obvious precautions! FYL
newburton13 26
Okay now, appropriate revenge. I'd say...menstrual blood all over every article of clothing she owns. It's poetic justice.
Comoke1024 19
Lock your door at night Keep the condom after your next "encounter" Used condom on your roommate's face.
LyricaSilvan 30
Please tell me they were at least unused.