Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML
Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML
Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML
Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Your name is hilarious.
IOmnomHard 10
Imagine if you choked on it in your sleep and died...The police report would be something to see.
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Comments (111)
ajuuyeee 0
used?
Needafarm 22
How heavy of a sleeper are you?!? I would definitely feel someone putting something in my mouth, and or them walking into my room. I wake up to the dog scratching himself and we keep a fan turned on for background noise. I hope you don't sleep through a 4 or higher magnitude earthquake.
JDM_Rivas 0
That's not even funny.. That's disgusting
supportcommand 17
Since you're female i'll assume your roommate is too. So now it's revenge time. Maybe cut all the strings off her tampons just before she cycles.
mrkck 0
Tape her mouth shut with a pad. Revenge is sweet.
Myo_fml 20
I have a puppy almost just like yours! I love those crazy play eyes, lol.
spaija 8
and you never reacted? never returned in the same vain? ydi for having victim mentality.
catanita 18
Fight back or....lock the door.
weallfml 3
Were they used ??
geod69 8
Could be worse 21 times in the past three weeks
blahblahblah5_x 13
Ew that's disgusting. Do it back with a used tampon.