Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
lostfaithinpppl 19
Well, you didn't have the balls to break up with her in person, so she took care of those useless things hanging between your legs. YDI for not being a man and breaking up over the phone.
waffle3z 6
More like he DID have the balls, and he was being a bigger man trying to protect them. Sadly, he failed.. May time reverse and undo every testicular wronging ever conducted...
Anon17564 3
Anyone thinking that perhaps the correlation runs the other way around? He broke up with her over the phone... because she's a psycho and he thought he could avoid this sort of reaction? Not enough information. I voted fyl because the only discernable fact is that you have been hit in the testicles by a paintball gun.
iplaywow 0
yes do what this country is known for the best: take it to court, not everyone can do that in their country
terriibabiiix23 0
haha ! sucks for youuu lmfao
smallfarmer3 0
ydi for breaking up over the phone i belive that if u ask a person out or break up u do it face to face wat a duch grow up man
Kharma25 0
I honestly don't see the issue with breaking up with people in other ways than "in person". I mean, the result is the same either way. Call me a bitch and a chicken, but I've broken up with guys through Instant Messaging. And if she's the psycho violent person that she seems to be, I think I would have opted to not be in the same room with her too. Too bad it didn't prevent the violence... Anyway, FYL, and file charges.
stereofidelica 0
Breaking up with someone over the phone's considered a pussy move because it's lame and quite disrespectful, really. It's pretty much saying, "You're not worth the time it takes to see you in person". No to mention, with IM and the phone you can hang up, whereas in real life you have to confront the person.
iplaywow 0
but thats the fun of it :D if the person gets violent or starts crying i would run, call me a pussy, i don't care
Oz_Alice 0
He probably used the phone in the hopes of avoiding a violent reaction...since it sounds like his ex is such a nice, stable person.
GeorgeBoosh 0
Yup. You break up with someone because you no longer love or respect them. So who cares whether the break up is in person, by phone, by Facebook announcement, a text message, throwing a molotov thru their window, or by hiring a plane and writing messages in the sky. The result is the same. You break up to make your life easier, not harder.
serenachicka 1
Not really. I've broken up with someone before, not because I didn't love or respect them, but because it wasn't working out. Anyway, break-ups should be done in person if it's not long-distance. That way things can be settled and there are no misunderstandings.
firecracker18 0
ydi that's what you get for breaking up with her over the phone.
jayemdoubleyou 1
Lucky you. You don't have the balls to break up with someone in person so getting shot, where your balls would have been, shouldn't have hurt too much. Imagine how that would have felt if you had a pair. Ouch!
Ninjaface 0
Wow, I love all the people (most of whom are probably female) who say that she was justified in possibly doing permanent damage to his testicles because he broke up with her in an insensitive fashion. Ever think that maybe if she's crazy enough to get revenge with a point-blank paintball to the nuts, then she'd probably do so even if he had broken up with her in person?
Emilyinroom483 7
Ever think that he DID deserve it for being a douchebag? Like #7 said. If he has balls he wasn't using them anyway.
zaphilia 0
I'm a girl and I agree with Ninja. Every girl who thinks he deserves this is just helping guys justify breaking up over the phone/virtually, since they're all supporting a chick who should be sent to some asylum
Kurosake 0
And you would know right #36? Because you are the OP's best friend and you know everything about him. Idiot. No this guy does not deserve this. And for all you ignorant people that say he does,well, you either haven't been in a long relationship or haven't been in one period. Wether you leave them over the phone or in person you are going to have the same effect. And you can STILL talk about things and try to sort things out either way. So don't use that stupid excuse. For his ex to come to his house and shoot him with a paintball gun is madness on its own. We don't know the whole story to even be making assumptions. So please, GTFO.
XaosZaleski 0
You know...I'm gonna give the idiot the benefit of the doubt and put this out there; Maybe the reason he broke up with her over the phone is because of the way she acts.
imperfectclarity 0
I like how all these people are saying you should have done it in person. I imagine you were probably trying to AVOID a situation like that one & therefore broke up with her over the phone where she wouldn't be able to physically hurt you. Too bad you didn't look out your window before opening your door for her.