Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
Maxine17 8
She sounds lovely! I wish to meet her!
Reyo 2
#97: Go ahead and shoot yourself in the balls at close range with a paintball gun. Go on, prove to us how "manly" you are. To people saying YDI, I'd like to see how you feel when you're shot in the genetalia at close range with a paintball gun. And ladies, I know "It doesn't hurt as much" which is why they'd have to shoot you in the lovlies.
harlehatschi 0
ydi for breaking up with someone over the phone, coward
thecirclingskies 0
tbh OP probably had the right idea of ending it over the phone if his girlfriend was the kind of person to attack with paintball guns when broken up with
greenltrn2003 0
hilarious how only women are sayin YDI for doin it over the phone. the emotional stress would be the same. Either way you end up boyfriendless HA
BurnIt2TheGround 0
if she goes to his house and shoots him in the balls with a paintball gun for breaking up with her then maby there was a reason he used a phone instead of getting within arms reach
Impromptu_fml 0
I'm willing to bet that not one of the women here saying YDI has ever been shot with a paintball gun. IT HURTS. And not like a bee-sting hurt, either. I mean a 'I just got whacked with a crowbar at full swing' hurt. I've still got marks on my body from a day of paintballing several years ago, and I wasn't shot once at close range (they had a distance rule). When you take a few paintballs on your breasts at three feet, then you have every right to say he deserved it. But until then, FYL to hell, OP. FYL to hell.
Impromptu_fml 0
It was better than a text break-up and much safer than doing so in person. If you were dating a violent or psychotic guy would you want to break it off face-to-face? No, of course you wouldn't. It would be common sense to break it off from a far distance, and remain a far distance from said individual. I'm guessing that's exactly how the OP felt. He knew she was a fruit and wanted to keep himself as distance length from her. You have to taken into consideration the context of why he phone-dumped her. I disagree, however, when you say it's a low act. It's not, especially since the exact same method is used just as often, or possibly more often, by women. But like I said, context.
Darraghscoot 0
i can see why he did it over the phone! all women he did not deserve this at all what gives this women a right to come to his him and ******* assault him he is probably lucky he can still have children how wud u like it if your x came to your house and ******* really inflicted pain upon you? u wudnt like its so shut up if you think this woman has the right to break the law .
pipp360 0
**** **** dick pussy ass douche
drunkenhillbilly 0
it probably is fake but OP it's caled a peephole dumbass
tjarvis4338 0
like.
chicabonita5683 0
What gave him the right to be a coward and not give her an honest break-up face to face. She may or may not have been a psycho aside from this one occasion when she felt that a break up over the phone was a "shot to the nuts" emotionally. And for the guys saying I bet a girl has never been hit with a paintball gun, yes, I have, and in some rather unpleasant and odd locations, so I know that it stings. If he opened the door, he was asking for it...that's what windows and peepholes are for...check who it is and what they have in their hand first...duh. Unless he was expecting a pizza, it's just common sense safety to check first.
valmont_fml 0
What it comes right down to is this: do you also think that if a woman (we will say, for the sake of argument, yourself) broke up with someone over the phone, would it be acceptable for him to come over to your house and shoot you in the breasts with a paintball gun? If so, then at least you are being consistent. If not, you should probably think things out more carefully.
RrubiksCuber 6
(just a disclaimer of sorts - i am a man, just to clear things up) paintballs hurt? Yes, very much. Crowbar to head? No, but i do assume that you are exagerating. To the balls? Yes, that is FML worthy. I know people say this a lot, but i think it is in order here - sue her/ get her arrested for assault. Just hope you don't need to display "evidence" to a jury.
13FMYLIFE 0
Oh, now you see what a periods almost like! Suck it up. Until any one of you guys has to deal with cramps for almost a week straight for 12 times a year stop complaining!
Wdgames 0
^Imagine taking all the pain from that week and concentrating it over a much shorter time span. That's what a nut-shot feels like.
SammyS2012 21
I did not understand the pain getting hit in the balls caused until I playfully pounced on my boyfriend and kneed him )X He has gotta love me if he's still with me after doing the same thing over and over = While it may seem harsh that he broke up with her over the phone, a break up is going to hurt the same; and her emotional pain does not give her the right to physically hurt him (which is against the law). Let's face it girls- if it was a guy punching her for breaking up with him, everyone will be shouting, "ABUSE! It's a good thing you got out of that relationship!" Tl;dr: physical violence is wrong to both genders- forget about your double standards.
born12l8 0
Agreed
Spaceghost77 0
Man's mantra: "Always protect your nuts!"
Gfrigo 1
words to live by my man...
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
GeorgeBoosh 0
At least, that's why you don't do it by phone when you are in the same city. Next time, go on holiday, and just do it by txt message. That way you don't get the tears and crap.
Ramp 0
I was just about to write that myself
No_Heart 0
Did you read the fmylife, i think there is a reason he didn't do it in person.
22cute 17
Agreed, she must have figured you didn't need your balls since you didn't use them to break up in person like a man.
xiaoxaio 5
holy shit run!!!
kyliebear 15
What's with these ex girlfriends? I was taught that when someone breaks up with you, it's their loss and to give your used toys to the less fortunate.. If I was to be broken up with, I'd decide that he would not be the one obviously and not to get angry.
coming back in the future 30
But if Op did do it personally she might have done the same thing.
whthapendlstnght 0
technically you can charge her with assault with a weapon
FerrariCake 2
ACW: assault with a colorful weapon
remy_xi 0
I wish I had a paintball gun...
HamsteronA 0
that made me lol.
deadpool91 0
they're awesome! lol I'll date her I probably have more paintball guns. and all u people whining about getting shot get over it it's not that bad. and yes I've been shot in the nuts too
TwistedZTCxx25 2
I have 5 :p
Velocity23 0
You know that shooting someone with a paintball gun has the same consequences in court as shooting someone with a real gun. If you bring this to court its jail time for her. :)
textasy2000 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
no its not...it a misdeamonr assault charge...and ydi the douche bag deserved it. Phone break up come on man...do it in person. Get the sand out of your ****** and grow a pair. she put up with you ass for two years you can atleast take her out to dinner and break up with her like a f***ing man. fyl and kudos to the paintball chica
krnmafia92 0
It'd be a crime and jail time nonetheless. You have no right to say ydi when you don't even know the damn situation. Have you ever been shot with a paintball gun at three feet? You get a ******* welt. Maybe the gf was some crazy clingy bitch that HE put up with for two years before deciding that it was the last straw. Maybe he realized that if he did it in person, she'd do some crazy shit.... which she ended up doing anyway. **** your mentality and kudos to any personal teachers who get broaden that narrow-minded perspective you have.
zaphilia 0
Maybe he broke up with her over the phone because he hoped to avoid a situation like that. His ex might have done something even more psychotic if he broke up with her in person, considering she's crazy enough to shoot him over a break up.
burned313 3
It may be a misdemeanor but it's considered Domestic Violence because they were together for two years. That's a serious charge that she will face some jail time for and will have follow her for the rest of her life. Source: Law Enforcement experience.
valmont_fml 0
Sadly, fewer people will be willing to do anything if it's a woman mistreating a man. It's a frustrating double standard in most societies.
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
pancakes_n_syrup 0
^^ win!
pyroanarchist23 0
this is pure win
Kylias 6
^ win*9001
No_Heart 0
I never understood why people consider breaking up with someone in person an amazing feat of manliness.
serenachicka 1
It's not an "amazing feat of manliness". It's the right thing to do. He has been going out with this girl for two years, and he couldn't tell her how he felt in person but on the phone? And the girl lives near him, so he should have done it in person.
arcadiaware 0
Because it's so much safer to do it in person where she'd probably just strangle him.
fruitloop1221 1
win total win
nerdlover 0
I don't know if this is FYL or YDI since I don't know the details of your relationship. ... but damn your ex is bad ass XD
Rainbowjumper0 12
haha I agree :D
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Would you put the last part if it were a man doing this to his ex-girlfriend?
R3TROxLOV3 32
It was a jackass move to dump her over the phone, but FYL for having a crazy ex. I'm pretty sure you can press charges against her. I totally would (:
mushoo_fml 0
I think his ex-gf's reaction explains exactly why he didn't do it in person!
asher888 11
agreed
KamilleBlack 3
You deserve it!! 2 years and u couldn't dump her face to face. If she could find a paint ball gun and get to ur house to shoot u in the nuts (which u totally deserved) then u should have found the time to get to her house and dump her like a normal person. Ur lucky it was a paint ball gun.
waterynuggets 0
Lol if you were his gf I could see why he broke up with your ass.
cpatrick820 3
If "u" wanted to be convincing, than maybe "u" should have spent a little extra time spelling out the words in your comment.
dvd175 5
*then
zaphilia 0
The girl's obviously psychotic. Sure, phone breakups are cowardly and what-not, but he doesn't deserve to lose the ability to reproduce over one. Does that sentence make sense? >.>
mylesfrank 0
yeah cuz it would have been better face to face were she could only hit him with a fraying pan(persanal experiance).
ZeusBeDubsteppin 24
just because he broke up with her over the phone doesn't justify her shooting him in the nuts with a paintball gun. if she broke up with him over the phone and he showed up and shot her in the cooch with a paintball gun he probably would have ended up in jail. talk about double standards.
TexasGirl24 15
If it was a 'persanal' experience, then I'm concerned with where you were hit.