Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
cornsnake 0
it isnt good to break up over the phone but she didnt have to shoot you in the balls at 3 feet. i would underestand someone getting annoyed but thats just harsh.
TheDrageisha 0
she gave you two years and you gave her a phone call. YDI
9224W4229 0
so let me get this straight according to you that in their MUTUAL relationship of two years(she did not GIVE him two years they gave each other two years it works both ways), because he broke up with her over the phone which still involves a conversation and for all we know could have been a lengthy discussion that was emotional that he sat through the entire time, she has the right to come over to his house with a paintball gun which normally shoots something at about 330FPS which is about 225MPH, from 3 feet away at his genitalia. there are a few things you should understand: A. from that range she could have hospitalized him and made him sterilized for life. B. that's the biggest nerve clusters in the male body after the brain and lips C. he may have not broken up with her in person in an attempt to avoid having to deal with her attempting to physically hurt him like what she did D. please think
boatkicker 5
Thank you 9224W4229
GanjAxZermA 0
man up u should have done it in person..
iplaywow 0
YDI for not breaking up earlier
boatkicker 5
Holy Christ. Thats all.
SweetestSin 4
awww suck it up my husband shot me in the bare leg at a foot away with a air soft gun, while it hurt (i actually teared up) i still have the scar and we laugh about it to this day - 1 day you will laugh about this OR maybe not
grrrarrrg2 2
Balls are little more sensitive than your leg.
makino_fml 2
If you broke up with her because you were unfaithful to her, YDI. If you broke up with her for good and reasonable reasons, then FYL.
grrrarrrg2 2
YDI FOR BREAKING UP WITH HER OVER THE PHONE YOU ******* PUSSY
iplaywow 0
FYL FOR CALLING HIM A PUSSY ON THE INTERNET SO HE CAN'T SEE YOU PUSSY
grrrarrrg2 2
if i could see him i'd call him a pussy to his face!
zl7man 0
this is the reason why there are windows near a door ; p and press charges. also this is why you check who is at the door and why there is a lock on a door
VictimOfTheft 0
you say she shot you in the balls, but you also say you don't have any as you broke up with her over the phone. fake?