Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
somepartsareme 0
@9 Ninja'd.
snafu57 1
but she is a damn good shot.
Sun_Kissed18 25
At three feet, everybody is
NJM12594 0
Next time you break up with someone wear a cup.
newsgit 0
words to live by
syrup21 0
that's because you should of done it in person not over the phone douche bag
CATastroph1c 22
Really? so he gets shot in the balls at a three foot range because he broke up on the phone, and that makes him a douche. Maybe breaking up by phone was cowardly , but being shot in the balls is way way worse, even more so at 3 feet
sam11jide 0
wtf!!
cinnaluna 0
Totally your fault. I mean two years and you couldn't break up with her in person??And I don't see why you would wanna break up with an awesome girlfriend like her either! So original :D
Dawkrida 0
dude, ur the dumbest guy I've met hahahahaha over the phone don't be a pussy say it right to her face
ImShamazingHun 0
#7 u r effing shamazing!!! but u r right.. he can't possibly have balls if he broke up with her over the phone lmao xD
manda97 3
awww..... i'm sure this sounds mega girl right now... but u broke up with her over the phone? no wonder she fired a paintball gun at you!!! tht's so jerky!!! so u wanted to break up with her... so what... but have guts enough to do it in person!! and every guy right now is thinking tht she's the psycho... when every girl agrees with me... well... f your friends lives for having to deal with a jackass like u!!
jenjen1112 0
who breaks up with someone on the phone especially you was with her for 2 years igrow some balls breaking up with a girl thats so junior high school lol m sorry you totally deserve it