Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
ichtudirweh 0
I hate girls like those who think it's okay to physically assault a man because he broke up with her. It's ridiculous.
wrigglezeus 0
ok YDI for braking up over the phone. but also FYL for having a gf like that. why do girls think it's alright to physically assault a guy over a break up. even if it's as horrible as that
Gwyndion 9
FYL or FYL+ (a bit)YDI depends on why you broke up over the phone really. While violence isn't ok if you say knocked her up and then dumped her then, while the ball shooting isn't okay, its partly deserved. If however you didn't do anything crappy to ehr and dumped her or a fair reason (constricting, she's cheating on you, no more spark,...) then FYL bigtime and hope the nuts are okay. Either way sue her though.
loooooooooool_fml 1
*sigh* You'll still be a douche in the eyes of the one you just broke up with, either by face to face or by phone. And you people are idiots btw, nobody deserves to have that kind of shit happen to them.
Gwyndion 9
My part YDI if he broke up for a bad reason was to indicate that he deserved some retribution upon him though not ballshooting.
JP101 0
YDI for being a scared little prick, and not having the balls to say it in person. I hope that you lose your testicles.
youthink_fml 0
Knowing the kind of person she is is exactly why he probably did it over the phone. All you women who say he deserves it for breaking up over the phone are probably just like her - psycho.
sunshine1313 0
I think the girl was crazy, for one. I mean... seriously, who shoots someone in the balls with a paintball gun? I'm a girl, so it wouldn't hurt me too much, but for a guy... OUCH! But I also think breaking up over the phone is a cowardly thing to do. I've been broken up through an email to my mom, and I would've rather him broken up with me to my face. It sucks what she did, that wasn't right. But it wasn't right for you to break up with her through the phone either. So, YDI, but FYL at the same time.
slimshady33176 0
now u know what to protect the next time u break up with somebody
shelbie8timer 0
hey #23 stfu this id the internet not freaking grammar school. ur obvi to old for this site if ur correcting grammar on comments ya ****