Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
theshinepolice 0
to all these people saying he has a pussy, women shouldn't break over the phone either, and having a pussy does not cause one to do phone break up. it's cowardly for ALL genders. and though phone break ups are pathetic, and really undermine the relationship that just happened, it still doesn't justify what the ex girlfriend did. so FYL.
ChemiclyInsane 0
I did that to my first bf when he cheated on me.
dummydory 4
You shouldn't have broken up with her over the phone. It's a YDI for doing that but at the same time a FYL because what she did was a little messed up.
toast41 0
i have seen a welt/scar last Years from a paint ball at ten feet, if you can walk you should shoot her in the eyes with a paint ball gun from three feet and save the next guys balls
Jacks_Penguin 0
She obviously didn't really like you anyway. FYL
themixedt4pe 0
If your girlfriend wasn't psycho, I would say YDI for breaking up with her on the phone. However it seems that she has some serious issues, so I guess I'm going to say FYL on this one.
guysmokey88 1
Yeeeeaaah, ya kinda earned that one. If you ever cared about her then you shouldn't have ended it over the phone, and if you didn't care then you shouldn't have been jerking her around for two years. You kinda got off light, too. It was just a nut shot, you'll heal. She could have gone for permanent public humiliation (after a two year relationship she probably has plenty of stuff she could put on the internet).
zaphilia 0
Permanent public humiliation? Wtf? Since when is it permanently humiliating for someone to dump you over the phone? Are you 12?
kiljoi 0
cup should be worn at all times
iheartfmls 0
you don't have balls to be hit in the first place if you broke up with a gf of two years OVER THE PHONE.
Perversive 0
FYL OP. And I can also safely assume everyone is who said YDI is a bitchy ***** and FYL are all guys :D.
iplaywow 0
this just says it so well that it makes me tear up, which creeps me out since i'm a guy
redblueviolet 0
Don't forget the girls who AREN'T bitchy ******. Most of them say FYL :D I say FYL (and yes, I am female). It's better a decent break-up via phone than a really horrible one in person. In 7th grade someone asked me if my then-boyfriend and I were dating, and I said we were just friends (which was news to him). And before anyone tells ME I should get kicked in the balls, 1. that's impossible: female, remember? and 2. It was 7th grade and my first "boyfriend," so shut up. :) If my now-boyfriend had to break up with me and I was given those two choices, I'd say he should dump me via phone. And as a lot of people said, maybe he was trying to avoid a situation similar to the one described in this FML.
Perversive 0
I respect you :).
xxpinupgrllxx 0
I love this comment you made. It is so true. I would much rather have a break up via phone call for the simple fact that I can hang up. If you break up with someone in person you have the awkwardness and the chance that they would do something crazy. Which could be the case with this. I could not say whether to vote FYL or YDI because of the lack of information given. You're with someone for two years, you obviously care for them and then they abruptly break up with you. How would you react to this? Now I am not saying we should all load up ammo and go hunting our ex whatever s but most people would be pretty pissed, upset or mad. You put all that time and effort into something to find out that your other did not. So I kind of feel for the girl but at the same time if she really is psycho and he was just breaking up with her because he was at wits end then good for him and he SHOULD press charges. FACT IS we have no idea what happened except that he broke up with her and that she used a paintball gun on him. But from what was given, assaulting anyone like this is harsh and unnecessary, so I say FYL. By the way, I am a 21 year old female and I do not think anyone has the right to shoot a guy in his genitalia. It can cause long-term consequences.
newsgit 0
143, what are you talking about? Girls? On the internet?
Perversive 0
True. What the OP should've done was: Forget the pain,grind his teeth,grab the gun and shooter her in the nipples.